Swamp Journal

Five Hours Well Spent!

2008-11-02T20:24:00.003-05:00

Today, I spent five hours waiting in line. I think the last time I came close to that much time in line was in college when I spent the better part of a morning waiting outside the stadium to get tickets to the Florida-Georgia game. This was for something more important (maybe not by much!), as I was at the library for the early voting.

If you are imagining an impatient, tired, dehydrated crowd of edgy people...well, you couldn't be more wrong. I think everyone knew before they left home that this would be a long affair, as the news had reported that on Saturday people waited four hours or more, and that Sunday the wait was expected to be even longer. When I arrived, I couldn't help but count how many people were in line. I can't give an exact number because I started at the door, and not everyone in line was there to vote -- there were children (who I obviously didn't count), but also teenagers who might or might not have been old enough to vote, people who had come to keep their friends and family company, and probably people who had come to give rides to other people. But excluding the obviously-too-young and the people in the lobby, I counted about 670 people ahead of me.

When I arrived at about 11:30, I was well prepared. I had my stool/toolbox to sit on and carry my belongings, a book, and some snacks, and a bottle of soda. I also stopped at KFC and picked up a box of chicken strips so I could eat lunch. It turned out that the folks running the show were prepared, too. There were volunteers handing out bottled water (for free!), people asked if anyone needed to use the restroom (I think they were escorting us to make sure nobody thought we were jumping the line and killed us), and they used blue tape to mark off the limits of where people could hand out campaign materials. Some of the pollworkers also used the long lines as an opportunity to explain how to use the new voting machines. Since the touchscreens are now banned in Florida, we now have "bubble ballots," much like the computerized tests we took in school, and they wanted to be sure everyone knew how to completely fill in the bubbles.

The folks in line were sociable and prepared, too -- probably about a third had brought something to sit on, some had reading material, and someone a few spots up had brought a boombox, so we had music. It would not have taken much more to create the atmosphere of a tailgate party.

The elections office now thinks that the lines won't be so bad on Tuesday, since so many people have voted early. Also, the early voting wasn't conducted at all regular polling locations, so the people who came early were concentrated into fewer locations.

Overall, it seemed well-managed -- sort of a self-endorsement for the Supervisor of Elections, who is also up for re-election. The biggest issue I've seen in Broward County to date is something that the SoE can't control. Seems that someone was making robocalls claiming to be from the Elections Office telling people that because of the heavy turnout, they could vote on Wednesday. Sneaky bastards....

Elitism on the Highway

2008-07-10T01:05:00.004-04:00

There's a change-a-comin' on I-95 in South Florida. Those carpool lanes, a.k.a. HOV lanes, are being replaced, sort of. Used to be, anyone could use them, provided you had at least two people in the car. But now...anyone can use the inside two lanes -- this is, if you're willing to pay for the privilege.

It's called 95 Express, and the first stage will run northbound from downtown Miami to the Golden Glades. The charge is per mile, and will vary from 3 cents to 1 dollar. That means a total of anywhere from 25¢ to $9.00. The DOT says it's not taking away the HOV lanes, but rather "adding to a system that already exists."

Well, if you're a yuppy lawyer who can afford to spend an extra $18.00 so you can get from your Biscayne Boulevard office to your home in Sea Ranch Lakes, it's a great add-on. But for the average schmuck struggling to cope with $4.00-a-gallon gas, it means you're stuck with the masses in the other four lanes. It's actually worse than before, because where there used to be five "regular" lanes, there are now only four. And many people who paired up for carpools are left out because while carpools can register to use the Express Lanes for free, it now takes three people to qualify.

Eventually, the system will run both ways from I-395 to Fort Lauderdale, making life easier for even more folks -- folks with the money to pay for it, that is. Remember, this is an Interstate Highway. More on how the IHS is being abused in my next post....

Torture at the bakery

2008-07-08T01:52:00.002-04:00

Last week I saw part of a George Carlin special in which he described ways to torment people in retail. I had an idea of my own. (NOTE: Since I work in retail, I do not condone this sort of thing, but, still....)

Call up a bakery, or the bakery department of a grocery store. Tell them you need a customized cake for a convention. Tell them to make it in the shape of a cloud. And mention that it's for a meeting of the American Psychiatric Association.

If you feel a bit more ambitious, go to the bakery a few days later to inspect the cake. Be sure to ask for the person who designed it. Inspect it really closely, making sure to occasionally look at the cake decorator and make remarks such as, "very interesting" and "I see." As you pay for the cake and leave, be sure to let them know you'll be in touch again really soon.

Sorry....

2008-07-07T01:58:00.002-04:00

I've been really bad about posting, so I'm going to try to post a random observation at least every other day. Since we lost George Carlin, I figure we all need to take up the slack....

Today I noticed that on the front cover of The Star, it says that Judgment Day will be on 9/11/08. If that's really true, why did they bother with the rest of the paper?

Bo No More

2008-06-04T00:36:00.005-04:00

This morning I read the sad news that Bo Diddley had died on Monday. Bo was 79 and had been in poor health for the past year, and relatives said that his death was not unexpected. I'm lucky to be able to say I saw him play at a club on Clematis Street in the late 1980s.

Bo was a key figure -- possibly second only to Chuck Berry -- in the transition from blues to rock. He may or may not have invented the Bo Diddley beat, but he surely popularized it. Since the song "Bo Diddley" was released in 1958, there probably hasn't been a single year in which there wasn't at least one hit song that borrowed from it. Lest anyone doubt Bo's influence, visit his entry at Wikipedia and look at the list of cover versions and tributes. It's almost as long as the rest of the article.

His famous rectangular Gretsch guitar is surely suitable for the Smithsonian.

Diddley himself once said, "I opened the door for a lot of people, and they all just ran through and left me holding the knob." Surely he's right.

One other interesting note about Bo: In 1955, he appeared on The Ed Sullivan Show, but was banned after playing his eponymous song rather than Tennessee Ernie Ford's "Sixteen Tons," which Sullivan had told him to play. Thus, he is in a group with Jackie Mason and The Doors.

Some Lead, Others Follow....

2008-05-17T01:37:00.003-04:00

As anyone who knows me well can tell you, I am a big fan of the Mustang. Of the seven cars I have owned over the years, four have been some form of Mustang. (This includes my Mercury Capri, which was essentially a Mustang with a Mercury nameplate.)

So it should not be surprising that I have a certain disdain for the Chevy Camaro, which GM originally produced to compete with the Mustang. When Chevy announced a few years ago that they were discontinuing the Camaro, along with the Pontiac Firebird, my first reaction was, "We win!"

At the time, GM said that they planned to bring the Camaro back in a few years, and last year I heard that the new version would be out for the 2009 model year. So today I searched for some pictures of the reborn Camaro. Bottom line: I wasn't bowled over. Essentially, Chevrolet has taken one of the classic versions of the Camaro ('69) and updated it a bit. Sound familiar? Yep, that's what Ford did with the Mustang -- updating the 1971 pony car that was made famous by Steve McQueen in the movie Bullitt. The big differences here are:

The Mustang did it first.
No Steve McQueen (or anything even remotely equivalent) for the Camaro
I ain't a Mustang.

I could also add the absence of Carroll Shelby, who returned to Ford a few years back. But Automobile magazine delivered an unintentional, yet truly backhanded compliment that also smacked DaimlerChrysler's entry in the retro muscle car market:

"Just to prove that German automakers aren't the only ones who plan products based on what their rivals have done, GM comes out with the Camaro--a retro-styled, two-door coupe with a honking big V-8 that harks back to the glory days of Motown. If that sounds familiar, that's exactly what Ford did with the Mustang. Hot on the heels of the Pony car's success, DaimlerChrysler has dusted off the Challenger and Chevy has produced a new Camaro, a nameplate that was more recently interred."

Ford, usually for the better and occasionally for the worse, has never done anything with the Mustang based on what its rivals have done. The Mustang was the original pony car, and when design changes were reactive, they were based on general changes in the market or what Mustang enthusiasts wanted (oops, demanded), not what the competition did. (I also have to wonder how that "honking big V-8 is going to fare in a market dealing the $4 per gallon gasoline -- I do intend to eventually get another Mustang, but I will pass on the GT version.)

Thus does the original remain the original 44 years later.

Now here's a candidate with a REAL problem....

2008-05-11T14:48:00.002-04:00

OK, so you thought Obama had a problem with his pastor? McCain has a problem because the moderates in has party think he's gotten too cozy with the Religious Right and the conservatives don't trust him? Hillary has a problem because...well, because she's Hillary? Now here is a guy running for office who truly has a problem. And the bigger problem may actually be that he doesn't think there is a problem, since he's actually still considering running.

Publix & Punk

2008-04-23T01:38:00.003-04:00

I pick up some extra money a few days a week working at my old job, doing inventories. This morning I was at Publix -- in case you're not from the Southeast, this is a major supermarket chain. It's about 5:30 a.m., the store hasn't opened yet, and it's pretty quiet, except for the piped-in music. This was NOT music brought in by the staff -- it's the regular music that they play throughout the day. And what do I hear?

"Eh, eh, eh eh, eh eh, eh, eh eh...I wanna be sedated!"

Yes, they were playing The Ramones in the supermarket. And lest anyone think they were just playing loud music to help the staff wake up, about three hours later while the store was open, they played "Rockaway Beach."

Don't misunderstand -- I love The Ramones. But juxtaposed with the supermarket setting, this was too weird. And I can't help wondering...what would Joey think?

Confounding Lawyer Ad

2008-01-13T14:21:00.000-05:00

I've expressed my disdain for lawyer's advertising in the past, but there is one that really annoys me, because it doesn't seem to make sense. It starts with the lawyer (not a "non-lawyer spokesperson") saying the following (pretty nearly exact quote):

"Are you having problems with credit card bills? Medical bills? Is your driver's license suspended? Bankruptcy can help."

OK, the credit card bills and the medical bills I get. But can a bankruptcy actually fix a suspended driver's license? If it can, something is very wrong....

2008-01-08T19:48:00.000-05:00

Today I was posting a comment elsewhere on the Web, and made reference to something I developed some time ago. I thought I'd share it here:

Mark's Second Law of Internet Communications:

Any message criticizing another poster's spelling or grammatical error will itself contain a spelling or grammatical error.

It's one of the reasons I rarely criticize the spelling or grammar of other people on the Internet, the other reasons being that some otherwise very smart people are just bad at spelling, grammar or punctuation. Some just type poorly.

In case you're wondering, here is Mark's First Law of Internet Communications:

Georgia sucks.

I know this has nothing to do with the Internet, but it's my first law of pretty much anything.

A Better Light Bulb

2008-01-04T23:03:00.000-05:00

I came across a copy of Smithsonian that I never got to reading, and inside was an article about light bulbs – not just any light bulbs, but compact fluorescent lights (CFLs), which apparently will soon replace the old bulbs we grew up with, assuming you aren’t 130 years old.

You may have heard about the environmental benefits of CFLs, which look like vanilla ice cream cones and are a lot more efficient than incandescent bulbs and therefore use less electricity. According to the Smithsonian article, however, they also save a lot money and last much longer than incandescent bulbs. Although CFLs cost more when you buy them, they pay for themselves in about six months through reduced electric bills, and then the savings continue for the life of the bulb – typically about ten times longer than that of an old-fashioned bulb.

Last week I bought just one 20-watt CFL (equivalent to a 75-watt bulb). I wanted to see if it gave off light in ways that might seem odd. When I first turned it on, over the dining room table, it seemed a little bit dim at first, but in about 10 seconds it got to full strength, and it seems perfectly normal. And I’m only using 27 percent of the electricity! Next trip to the store, I’m going to get CFLs for the hallway, the bedroom, and the closet. (The kitchen and living room already have various types of fluorescent lighting, and the laundry room light doesn’t get a lot of use anyway.) It will be interesting to see how this affects my electric bill.

The most notable downside to CFLs is that they contain small amounts of mercury, meaning that they have to be disposed of with care, and also are potentially dangerous if you break them. One professor points out that they should not be used as down lighting over kitchen counters. “A champagne cork hits one, you’ve dusted your whole kitchen with mercury.” The same researcher predicts that light-emitting diodes (LEDs) will be cheap enough for household use within four years. These are the kinds of lights used in mobile phones and some flashlights, and they are twice as efficient as even CFLs – and they don’t use mercury.

So now, with CDs having replaced phonographs, CFLs taking the place of light bulbs, and DVDs supplanting movies on film, maybe the question is whether Edison himself is becoming obsolete?

P.S.: When I went to the store, they had CFLs on sale -- a two-pack costs just $5.00.

Did He REALLY Say That?

2007-11-25T00:23:00.000-05:00

On my way home from work tonight, I was listening to a sports show on the radio, and the topic was coaching changes in college football as this season ended. One of the changes was the firing of Bill Callahan at Nebraska, and one of the radio hosts was annoyed with Nebraska athletic director Tom Osborne. He said that Osborne kept talking rather highly about himself. Fair enough, I suppose, although I haven't actually heard just what Osborne said.

However, I think the host may have stepped off the pier when he suggested that if Osborne thought he was so great, he should take the job himself and we'll see how he does.

Excuse me? Apparently 25 years as the Cornhuskers' coach isn't sufficient time to prove yourself. And just to clarify, here's what Nebraska did during those 25 years:

Played in a bowl game 25 times. Yes, that's every year...and 21 of those bowls were New Year's Day bowls, by which I mean MAJOR bowls, not crap bowls that just happened to be played on January 1 because the big games were played a few days later.
Won 13 conference titles.
Finished the season ranked in major polls 25 times (remember again, every year) -- 18 times in the Top Ten.
Won three national championships, including the first back-to-back consensus titles in nearly 40 years. They could have won another title in 1983 if Osborne had settled for a tie instead of going for a two-point conversion.

Osborne is also the fifth winningest coach in major college history, and has the sixth highest winning percentage.

So exactly what is it that Osborne has to prove?

Cost of an Wreck

2007-11-03T23:00:00.000-04:00

OK, so I finally have a new car -- a 2000 Nissan Sentra. Barring some unexpected disaster, such as the transmission falling out, I got a real deal on the car at $2500.

However, the overall picture is really bad. The insurance company paid me $2249 for my totalled Mustang (that's after the deductible), so I had to make up the difference, and I had numerous expenses during the 2 1/2 weeks before I got the new wheels. Here is a breakdown of my out-of-pocket costs:

$250.00 -- cost of car beyond the insurance check
166.50 -- my share of rental vehicle for 18 days (insurance picked up $15 per day)
184.35 -- sales tax on car, plus tag transfer and fees
25.31 -- cost of overnighting title to insurance company (otherwise I'd have had
to rent the car for at least three more days at $24.25 per day)
5.00 -- newspapers, looking for car
6.00 -- tolls while looking for/at cars
60.00 -- late fee on my rent because I now can't pay the entire thing on time

$697.16 -- total out of pocket

This does not include the extra gas I spent driving around looking at cars, which is probably considerable since I drove as far north as West Palm Beach and as far south as Opa-Locka...and I ended up going to West Palm Beach again to drop off the rental and pick up the new car. It also doesn't account for the fact that I missed three weeks of work at my second job, the hours can vary, but I'd guess that was about which is probably cost me between $300 and $600. The only bright side is that the insurance company will (probably) reimburse me for the sales tax on the new car -- $150.

Overall, this whole incident has probably cost me between $1000 and $1500, and you can't put a price on the aggravation I've had dealing with the insurance company, the loss of any really enjoyable time off for almost three weeks, and the loss of a car I really loved -- all because of some guy who plowed into my car and just drove off without even checking to see if I was even alive.

Thanks a lot, you fucking bastard.

Save Schmuck!

2007-11-03T00:27:00.000-04:00

Over at The Onion, it is reported that Mel Brooks has launched a campaign to save "schmuck." (The word, not actual schmucks, as there are more than enough of those.)

Yes, I know The Onion is satire, but I could easily imagine Brooks actually doing this.

How Would THESE Conversations Go?

2007-10-30T19:45:00.000-04:00

One of the more unusual sections of the bookstore is Biography. While most of the books in the store are sorted by subject matter, biographies are alphabetized by the name of person the book is about, regardless of what they may have done. This means that you might find people from wildly different fields next to each other.

When I’m in the Biography section, I often get a chuckle thinking about the conversations that would result if the person featured in one book could talk to the person in the book next to them. Here are some pairs of people (in some cases larger groups) whose biographies really were next to each other today:

Blackbeard and David Blaine
Al Capone and Truman Capote
Daniel Boone and Lucrezia Borgia
Charles Grodin and Che Guevara
Wild Bill Hickok and Paris Hilton
Alfred Hitchcock and Adolf Hitler
Jesse James and Jenna Jameson
Ron Jeremy, Joan of Arc, and Lyndon B. Johnson
Stephen King and Martin Luther King, Jr.
Alice Roosevelt Longworth (Teddy’s daughter), Traci Lords, Trent Lott and Louis XIV
Charles Manson, Marilyn Manson, Mao Tse-tung
Queen Noor and Chuck Norris
Sandra Day O’Connor and Rosie O’Donnell
Theodore Roosevelt and Diana Ross
Helen Thomas and Hunter S. Thompson
Shirley Temple and Studs Turkel
Alice Walker and Queen Victoria (OK, Victoria WAS in the wrong place, but still….)
Gene Wilder and Laura Ingalls Wilder
Chuck Yeager and Frank Zappa

Following the Spam Trail

2007-10-29T12:52:00.000-04:00

Ever wonder where those spam messages come from? (No, probably not.) Ever wonder who is behind them? Or what would happen if you tried to buy something from one?

Well, a guy named Mark (not me, I'm nowhere near this tech savvy) did an experiment -- he backtracked the spam, placed an order, and followed the money. Here's what happened.

Moral of the story: Don't. Just don't. I wouldn't anyway, because even if they're not trying to rip you off, you just encourage them to send more spam.

Educational Links

2007-10-27T02:06:00.000-04:00

When you think of a university website, you probably think of pages that describe the campus, the courses, sports teams, student organizations and the like. But there can be a lot more. This week I received the fall edition of my alumni newsletter (from the University of Florida), and it lists some links on a number of subjects:

www.arts.ufl.edu/asb -- here you can see more than 90 works of public art located around the UF campus.

www.flmnh.ufl.edu/natsci/herpetology/fl-guide/snakekey.htm -- the Florida Museum of Natural History offers a layman's guide to help identify snakes.

www.cba.ufl.edu/podcasts/tuesdayswithtosi/index.asp -- the home of "Tuesdays with Tosi," an issue-driven podcast produced by UF's Warrington College of Business Administration. Recent topics include "Is Your Boss in Love with the Person in the Mirror?," "You Call That A Bargain?," and "Who's Afraid of the SEC?" (That's the Securities and Exchange Commission, NOT the Southeastern Conference.)

www.flmnh.ufl.edu/fish/Sharks/puzzle/puzzles.html -- Another offering of the Florida Museum of Natural History, this is a collection of word games that teaches about sharks.

www.fireinflorida.com -- With the wildfires burning in California, this site is probably more timely than anyone expected when the newsletter was put together. UF's School of Forest Resources and Conservation teaches how to protect your home from forest fires, and why some fires are beneficial.

More on my car....

2007-10-22T01:38:00.000-04:00

...that is, if I still have one. The insurance company totalled it out. I have some pictures, but I can't get my phone to send them. The damage is all confined to the left rear, but the body is pretty badly damaged, and it apparently pushed into the frame. That means that to fix it would require cutting off the entire quarter panel and putting on a new one. The body shop ballparked it at $4000-$6000 -- not good for an 11-year-old car, even if it ran great. In the almost 8 years that I had it, I spent a total of less than $1100 in repairs (not counting tires, routine maintenance, and the rear brake pads that I replaced last year at about 110,000 miles)...and over $700 of that was to replace the odometer, which was probably too much considering I've since found that the place that did it charges more than any other place I know of.

In fact, USAA is only going to pay out $2249 if I give up the car, and $1095 if I decided to keep it. I really don't see how I can get a decent car for that little money.

But there is a slight bit of hope. The body shop guy said his figure was to fix the car like new. When I asked how much it would cost to make it driveable, he said, "It's probably driveable now." There are two main issues I have to check out. One is the rear end alignment -- if that's shot, then the car is dead. But if the alignment is reasonably good, then I may be able to deal with the second issue for much less than the $1095 I can collect. That is the left tail light assembly (including the brake light and turn signal). That's almost destroyed, and the body is so smashed up that there currently is no place to mount it. But I may be able to get something rigged up so the car is street legal.

Tomorrow I'm going to check out a place that specializes in Mustangs to see what they think, and I also need to call the insurance company to see what is involved in taking the car out to be looked at. If I can get this done, then maybe over time I can have the body work done in stages, especially once I get my tax refund.

On the other end, no word on finding the bastard who hit me and drove off. But rest assured, there are lots of eyes out there watching the road. Not that I expect to get any sort of compensation if the driver is found, but it would be somewhat satisfying to see him busted.

Wish me luck. By the way, that isn't MY car in the picture, but it looks exactly like that, even down to the same style wheels.

Watch for This Car....

2007-10-15T02:04:00.000-04:00

Below is an e-mail I sent to all of my acquaintances in South Florida. I know I'm not getting a lot of readers here, but all it takes is one person. If you find this person, please let me know.
= = = = = = = = = = =

OK, I realize the odds are slim here, but it's worth a shot.

This morning on my way to work, I was heading north on I-95 in Pompano Beach when I was hit on my left rear by another vehicle, which then continued on its way without even slowing down. I am unhurt, but my car was hit hard enough to trigger my fuel shut-off switch, so as I coasted to the side of the road, I wasn't able to get the other vehicle's license plate number. I'm also going to have to bring the car to a body shop and hope that there wasn't enough damage for the insurance company to write off car, as I am not in a position to finance another one right now.

I would appreciate it if you could keep an eye out for a Chevy Impala, probably mid-1980s model year or maybe 1990s. What really stands out is that the car is brown and tan -- I think it was basically tan (maybe yellow) with dark brown bars running the length of the car. It would likely have some damage on the front right. If you see such a car, please try to get the tag number and let me know.

The highway was pretty empty, as it was a Sunday morning, and because I wasn't looking in my rearview mirror at the time, I'm not sure how he managed to hit me. As I mentioned, he just sped off without any regard for anyone else's safety, and I'm betting he's driving around with no insurance. He might even have taken off because he needs to avoid the police for some other reason, so on the off-chance that you come across this person, you might be doing a lot more than just helping me out.

Thanks for your help with this.

Mark

Anyone for Chinese?

2007-09-13T02:12:00.000-04:00

Alrighty, then...according to stories I saw on the news recently, China has agreed that products it manufactures for sale in the U.S. will now comply with U.S. safety requirements. WOW! However, they still will not allow inspections of their factories. So here is a list of questions I thought of pretty quickly:

Just what is going on in these factories that they don't want anyone to see? I'm sure they aren't using small children, or slave labor. Right?
Um...isn't compliance with U.S. product safety requirements be required of ANY products made for sale in the U.S.? Is this really a big favor to ask...that the goods you send us not kill us?
Why in the world would any company want to send their production to another country where they can't see the production methods? Seriously, you're not giving away trade secrets if the people who want to see the plant are the same people who DESIGNED the product in the first place.
Why have we coddled China for so many years in the first place? We've basically given them a free pass on human rights abuses for decades. Anyone remember Tianenmen Square? The Chinese government apparently doesn't, as they have insisted for nearly two decades that nothing unusual happened there in 1989. By the way, this special treatment of China knows no politics in this country. It has continued through several administrations of both parties, as well as Democratic and Republican Congresses.
Why do we cut off economic and diplomatic ties with Cuba, based on the fact that it is a Communist country run by a ruthless dictator who oppresses the 11.5 million people who live there, but embrace economic and diplomatic ties with China, a Communist country run by a small, ruthless oligarchy that oppresses 1.3 billion people?

Oh, yeah...enjoy the Olympics next year.

More Idiots in the Workplace

2007-09-12T04:40:00.000-04:00

Remember the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition? Rule #255: No good deed goes unpunished.

Well, there's always someone ready to prove this true. Here is yet another. In short, a restaurant employee came to the rescue of a woman who was being carjacked, and as a result, he was fired. Happily, though, the man is receiving job offers from people who were either impressed with his character or outraged by his former employer's actions.

Follow-up: I found the original story about Canales' firing, which also mentions that he is a former convict himself. Let's hope his experience doesn't discourage him, or anyone else, from doing the right thing.

Eh....what's up, Google?

2007-09-08T00:37:00.000-04:00

We all know that there are different versions of Google for different languages. But here is a special version you may not be familiar with.

Shoulda Had a Warning Label....

2007-08-31T01:01:00.000-04:00

Today I came across a fun little article: 17 Dangerous Cinematic Computers. HAL is an obvious entry, but there are a few here from much lesser-known movies. Notably absent: the real-life (more or less) NORAD computer from War Games.

The irony, of course, is that you need a computer to read the list.

I started thinking of a similar list of dangerous computers from television, but after Star Trek and The X-Files, I was pretty near stumped.

Wickedness on Wikipedia

2007-08-27T02:43:00.000-04:00

OK, we all know that one of Wikipedia's best features is also one of its worst: Generally speaking, anybody can edit any article they want. This means that any person, company, or other entity can make additions or changes to make themselves look good or someone else look bad. So what do you do?

Well, if you're Virgil Griffith, you create the WikiScanner. With this website, you can see what changes have been made and who made them. Look up the name of any entry, and you can see both the before and after versions of the entry, and you can also see who made the entry, at least if it was made by someone working from an identifiable location.

Wired magazine apparently thinks highly enough of WikiScanner to refer to it and compile their own Hall of Shame. For example, some of the latest entries as I type this indicate that:

Information on George W. Bush's alcoholism was deleted by someone at the Department of Homeland Security.
General Mills erased information about research showing that refined cereal grains can be unhealthy.
Focus on the Family removed a link to a website critical of the organization.

Sometimes the edits aren't really scandalous, just entertaining, such as when someone at the Department of Justice altered the entry on United States Congress to say that our eminent legislative body as the power "to go poopy." (Well, it may not be in the Constitution, but I sure hope they are allowed to!)

Of course, the last one demonstrates a point to keep in mind when you're using WikiScanner -- the shenanigans you see are not necessarily the result of a wide-ranging nefarious behavior by the organization in question. Sometimes it's just a rogue individual with excessive enthusiasm, too much free time, and employer-provided Internet access.

It's Figaro! (without the opera)

2007-08-18T01:50:00.000-04:00

One of the good things about working in a bookstore is that you're always coming across books that you might not ever come across just browsing as a customer. (That's also one of the bad things, unless you are seriously overpaid and get lots of vacation time.) Last week I came across
Thank You for Arguing: What Aristotle, Lincoln, and Homer Simpson Can Teach Us about the Art of Persuasion by Jay Heinrichs.

Well, anyone who can work Homer Simpson into the same subtitle as Aristotle and Lincoln has earned my attention! Heinrichs doesn't tell you to vote Democratic or Republican, he tells you how to present your position and reveals the tricks others use to persuade us. After work, I read a couple of chapters before putting a copy in the employee hold bin. I also noticed that Heinrichs refers to his blog, http://www.figarospeech.com, so I checked it out. (figarospeech....figure of speech -- get it?) It's like short chapters from the book, based on current events. For example, he cites Karl Rove's use of "antonomasia." (Sorry, you'll have to go to the blog for the explanation, but it's not a satanic incantation.)

Also, on the home page are links to pages devoted to Pythonisms, Homerisms, and Yogiisms, to name a few. Check it out, and tell Figaro I sent you.

Our Own Sicko

2007-08-09T02:52:00.000-04:00

No, this entry is not about Michael Moore's movie. But the movie could have been about this entry.

We have a group of regular customers at our bookstore. Many of them don't buy a lot, but they are welcome as long as they don't trash the place, disturb other customers, sleep in the chairs, or otherwise cause trouble. From time to time we also have some homeless people who spend much of the day in the store, and again, as long as they are well-behaved, that's fine.

One guy, until recently, came almost every day, usually in the afternoon or evening. We know he was homeless, because after we close, we would sometimes see him sleeping on the bench outside the store as we went home, and the morning crew would see him there when they came in. I don't know the guy very well. In fact, I don't even know his name, but from time to time, most of us have had short conversations with him.

I should point out here that aside from the fact that he obviously hasn't bathed in a while, he's very inoffensive. We have never seen him drunk, or under the influence of, well, anything. He doesn't even fall asleep in the chairs. He's very polite and has never, as far as we know, asked anyone for money. He doesn't hang out on the corner asking for handouts, either. I don't know where he gets his food, but he really doesn't ask us for anything. Once I offered him some leftover chicken from an event we had, and he just asked if he could have some milk from the cafe. Unfortunately, the only milk we have is for coffee drinks, otherwise I would have bought it for him myself.

From the conversations we've had with him, it's apparent that the man isn't mentally disturbed or unintelligent; in fact, one of our associates said he seems bright and well-read.

There is one thing that you can't miss about this guy -- one of his lower legs is clearly, well...in trouble. It's bandaged and so swollen he has to cut his pants open, and he gets around with the aid of a walker. I am not exaggerating when I say the leg is probably almost a foot in diameter. I had thought maybe he had a condition like the Elephant Man, but that apparently isn't the case. One of my co-workers learned that he has an infection in this leg.

Needless to say, this man has no money for medical treatment. Without money or insurance, he can't get treatment because the condition is not life-threatening. So he just hobbles around, waiting until the infection gets bad enough that it might kill him, at which point some hospital will be forced to take his case. I'm not a doctor, but I would guess the "treatment" at that point will be to amputate the leg and put him back on the street, where he will then have even more difficulty in staying alive.

I just think there is something fundamentally wrong when we're spending trillions of dollars on bridges to nowhere, vouchers for private schools, no-bid contracts to provide our soldiers with inferior equipment, public relations campaigns for NOAA, and massively complex and costly highway exits that are neither wanted nor needed -- yet we can't treat an infection on one man's leg. In fact, if the guy is receiving public assistance, it would probably cost a lot less to fix his leg and help him find a job than to keep supporting him, which we will surely have to do if he loses the leg.

We haven't seen the gentleman for a couple of weeks, and we feared the worst until someone saw him at the bus stop the other day, leg still attached. If I see him again, I'm going to try to get to know him better.

Free Meds! (with prescription)

2007-08-07T00:08:00.000-04:00

Now, this is just way cool.

Publix Supermarkets is offering a free prescription drug program at all of its stores, which are located in Florida, Georgia, Alabama, South Carolina and Tennessee. Seven different antibiotics are available through the program -- all you have to do is bring in a prescription for the and Publix will fill it for free, regardless of your insurance coverage. There also is no limit on the number of prescriptions you can have filled. (Well, except for any limits placed by your doctor!)

Anyone for a Tag?

2007-07-26T23:32:00.000-04:00

A couple of weeks ago I was tagged by my brother Dave for a meme. I'm supposed to list eight random facts about myself and then tag eight other bloggers, but I don't know anyone I can tag other than Dave himself. So now I'm posting the facts anyway. If you want a tag, let me know!

I only have 31 teeth. No, nothing has been pulled, and I didn't get punched in the mouth, but I have only three lower incisors. It's hereditary, from my maternal grandmother. (It skips a generation.)
I have a fear of revolving doors. I don't think it's a phobia because it doesn't keep me from going through, but when I do have to go through a revolving door, I get really nervous.
I am a horrible packrat. I keep all sorts of things that most people wouldn't -- not bits of string, or anything like that, but my apartment is full of things I've had for years even though they aren't really valuable.
I almost always have a few magazines in the bathroom. I haven't tried returning them to Brentano's, so I don't know if they are "flagged."
I was born in Manhattan (Beth Israel Hospital), and since then I have visited New York many times, including Manhattan, Queens, Bronx, and Staten Island, but never Brooklyn. However, a few years ago I learned that I was conceived in Brooklyn!
I am a diehard Mustang fan. I have owned six cars, and three of them were Mustangs. One of the others was a Mercury Capri, which was the Mercury version of the Mustang. If I were to win the Lotto, I would keep my current Mustang (1997), but also get one of the new ones. And maybe a '65 Fastback, too.
I keep a notepad with me at all times to jot down writing ideas. Sometimes I have an idea -- a funny line, an idea for a character or situation, or a broad concept -- and in the notepad it goes. I also write down funny or unusual things that I see or overhear.
For a brief period in my teens, I played golf. Well, to be more accurate, I swung at golf balls with a club. To say that I was really bad would be understatement to the point of fraud. One time I broke 100 -- but failed to repeat the feat on the back nine. Since then, Florida has passed a law making it illegal for me to be in possession of a golf club unless I am within 500 feet of a miniature windmill.

Quack! Quack quack!

2007-07-08T01:57:00.000-04:00

I had a bit of a welcoming party when I went out the door to go to work the other day. Sorry I didn't get a better picture, but they that's Mama Duck and her babies. (Sorry, Dave, no geese.)

They live by the pond in my apartment complex. Since I don't live on the pond, I don't see the ducks regularly, but from time to time they will wander over.

You can't tell from the picture, but there were more ducks in the grass to the left. As they came out I counted, and altogether there were TWENTY ducklings following Mama. Do ducks actually lay that many eggs in one clutch, or could she possibly have adopted some orphans?

If I can get better pictures, I'll post 'em!

Lost Pet, Happy Ending

2007-06-21T00:46:00.000-04:00

Unfortunately, when pet goes missing, the ending is often not happy. This is especially true when the pet in question is a bird. While dogs and cats are predators, most birds are prey -- it's not unheard of for pet birds outside to be captured by a hawk. They also do not fare well with temperature extremes.

Fortunately, Pearl the cockatiel was found and returned home after five days in the wild -- pretty good for a small bird, especially one that is ten years old and managed to get a pretty good distance from home.

For the Trek Crowd....

2007-06-19T02:57:00.000-04:00

It's rare that I post twice in one day, but I couldn't let this one go. It's a blog devoted to bad drawings of Spock. Well, at least you don't have to listen to Shatner singing "Mister Tambourine Man."

Irony

2007-06-19T02:04:00.000-04:00

One day at the bookstore, I was having a hard time finding a book for a customer. Eventually, we did manage to locate it: Where's Waldo.

Harper's Bizarre

2007-06-13T03:21:00.000-04:00

I started out intending to point out the irony of the cover of the current Harper's Bazaar. Yes, that's Paris and Nicole, and if you can't read what it says by Paris' shoulder, it's a description of one of the features inside -- "689 NEW LOOKS." Quite a chuckle -- the neon orange jumpsuit look came to mind, or maybe black and white horizontal stripes. (Well, let's face it, she doesn't need vertical stripes to make her look thinner.)

Keep in mind that magazine covers are planned weeks or even months in advance, so this had to be coincidence. News magazines sometimes change the cover if a major story hits at the last minute, but it's unlikely a fashion magazine would do that.

So anyway, I go over to the magazine's website for a picture of the cover, and what do I see? Something even more priceless:

I get the impression this is actually in the magazine, which would mean it was laid out with that headline before anyone knew how prophetic this would be. I'll check it out when I go to work on Wednesday.

Go away. No, really, just go....

2007-06-04T02:36:00.000-04:00

Adam Sandler. You're not funny. And I heard a song incredibly similar to "The Chanukah Song" several years before you sang it.
Shortened names. Not nicknames, but this trend (note: I hate anything trendy anyway) of putting together the first one or two letters or syllables of a first and last name has to stop. I don't care who or what you are attaching it to -- J-Lo, K-Fed, V-dub, WaMu (you would expect a bank to have more dignity), T-Mac, A-Rod, whatever.
Donald Trump. We get it. You're rich. But I don't care what you do with your money, who your intern is, or why you want me to be rich. If you really want me to be rich, just write me a check. Or let me have a piece of the money you're getting from putting your name on all those buildings you don't actually own. You're not fired, just incredibly annoying. And by the way...why do you care so much about what Rosie O'Donnell thinks?
Infomercials. I'm a night person. In fact, I'm typing this at almost 3 am. But I like to have a little bit of company, so I have the television on. And most of what's on is infomercials. Even on weekend afternoons, there are way too many infomercials on.
Infomercials starring Donald Trump. Just kill me and be done with it.
Poker. More poker. Poker, poker, poker, poker, poker. I can't think of anything this country needs more than more people ruining their lives with gambling. Besides, is it REALLY compelling television? When I still had my cable hooked up, it seemed like I could watch poker 21 hours a day (assuming that I were insane). NBC is still airing poker late at night almost every day.
Ann Coulter. Is anyone not fed up with (Oh, god, there's Trump on my television advertising his seminar again right now!) this tramp? Even her fellow conservatives find her an embarassment. Clearly she just thrives on attention. "Ignore it and it will go away" is usually a bad strategy, but I think it will work with her, although we will have to sit through some really horrifying statements first. But we're getting used to that anyway.
Suburban white kids who try to talk and dress like black people from the inner city. You have no clue what being black is about. I don't either, but I don't pretend to. If you like the music, the art, the culture, that's fine. But unless you have a severe speech impediment, talk like yourself, not like someone else. I suspect real black people think you're a bunch of posers, especially when you go back home to your quiet, middle class homes at night. And those cornrows look stupid on black guys -- on you they look stupid and phony.
Lawyers advertising on television. I've been working on a brochure for a very highly respected law firm -- not the kind of firm that encourages you to sue your neighbor, the other driver, the drug companies, or everyone else you can think of. More like the kind where one of the partners became president of a major university. This assignment is hard. Anyone who hasn't done this has no idea how tightly the Florida Bar regulates this stuff. I can't use the word "expertise." I can't cite past successes because it supposedly implies someone else's case will be successful. I can't use any kind of superlative -- not even a reference to the client's "best interests." So when I see you assholes saying, "Hey, let's go sue someone," it really pisses me off. And since I've been doing this, I've started watching your ads more closely, and I will (ack, it's Trump again!) report you to the Florida Bar.

A Real-Life Rip Van Winkle(ski)

2007-06-02T23:28:00.000-04:00

Imagine waking up and finding that your entire world had changed. That's exactly what happened to a Polish railway worker who went into a coma following an accident in 1988 -- when the country was still under Communist rule -- and woke up this week.

In addition to the changes in Poland and around the world, the man's four children all got married and produced 11 grandchildren.

Irony on top of irony

2007-05-30T01:03:00.000-04:00

Odd news story of the day: A man in Israel wrestled a leopard to the floor after the animal leapt through his bedroom window. In what is surely the understatement of the year, he said, "This kind of thing doesn't happen every day." (I didn't even know there were leopards in Israel.)

The man was sleeping in his bed with his cat, and his young daughter was also in the bed. Why wasn't the girl in her own bed?

She had been frightened...by a mosquito. Yeah, this was much less scary!

Baby Bird!

2007-05-27T02:51:00.000-04:00

Has it really been a month since I last posted? OK, I'll try to do better.

Anyway...someone I know from another website has mating pair of Eclectus parrots that recently had a baby. The egg hatched just over three weeks ago, and every few days we are treated to another picture of the chick. No, the bird is not sick -- baby birds look like that! If you scroll down a few entries, there is a picture of a pair of adult birds.

Eclectus are unusual in that they are extremely sexually dimorphic -- that is, the male and female are very different in appearance. In this case, the male is bright green, while the female is red and purple. For many years, scientists actually thought they were different species. I have seen only a few Eclectus parrots in person, but they always seem to be quiet and friendly.

Dogs Rule!

2007-04-27T16:34:00.000-04:00

Over at Better Living Through Blogging, my brother actually wrote, "wouldn't you rather have a lamb than a plain ole dog?"
...
...
...
...
...

(Sorry for the pause, I was busy shaking my head in confoundment.)

Now, I have nothing against lambs, or even adult sheep. But there is nothing -- let me emphasize this, NOTHING to beat a dog. In fact, I would say that 95 percent of all dogs are preferable to 95 percent of all people. So for Dave's benefit, here is a list of reasons why dogs are better than any other animals:

Dogs don't care who you are, what you look like, or how much money you make. Just feed them, rub their bellies (some prefer ear-scratching), and be around for them, and they will love you just for that.
Dogs are heroes. Did you ever hear of a Search and Rescue Cat? There were literally dozens of dogs involved in the recovery efforts after September 11. I used to work with a lady who also trained German shepherds for police work. When I heard on the news that a police dog had been killed after he entered a burning building looking for people trapped inside (the people made it out, but the dog did not), I later found out that the had been trained by my co-worker had trained. She hadn't seen the dog since he started his work, but she told me she cried the whole day after she heard the story.
Dogs will play with you whenever you want to play. If a cat is in the mood, he might allow you to play with him. Maybe.
Kittens grow into cats, but dogs always remain puppies at heart.
Dogs are one of the few animals that smile, and their smiles are contagious.
Dogs love to help people. There are service dogs for the blind, the deaf, and the wheelchair-bound. A lot of training is required, but ultimately dogs do this because they want to.
Dogs have medical skills. Nobody knows how or why, but certain dogs are able to sense the onset of an epileptic seizure as much as 45 minutes in advance. They can then warn their partners, who can then take steps to prevent injuries. (I've heard of birds doing this, too, without any training at all.)
Some dogs are naughty (see "Marley & Me"), but they are nearly all good-hearted.
Dogs forgive. If you've ever watched "Animal Precinct" or similar shows on Animal Planet, then you've seen how often and quickly dogs that are abused or neglected by humans usually accept other people.
Dogs are loyal and protect their families.
Many dogs help protect other animals that are important to humans -- including lambs!

Yes, I have a bird and not a dog, but that's for the dog's sake. My workdays are too long to leave a dog alone in the house -- it wouldn't be fair to the dog or the rug!

Like We Need Something Else to Worry About

2007-04-20T01:41:00.000-04:00

Guess what researchers have discovered? Chimps are more evolved than humans. So maybe Pierre Boulle had it right.

Paging Dr. Zaius...paging Dr. Zaius....

(Let it go...I know Dr. Zaius was an orangutan and not a chimp!)

They Are All of Us

2007-04-19T03:24:00.000-04:00

Over at msnbc.com, there is a slideshow showing the names and faces of many of the victims of the Virginia Tech shootings. It doesn't take very long to realize how diverse a group this was.

Some were professors. Some were students.

Most were young, but some were middle-aged and one was old.

They were white, black, Hispanic, Far East Asian, Indian, and Hispanic. Maybe also Native American, although it's hard to tell from just the names and faces.

Not surprisingly, many were from Virginia, but they also came from other states: Georgia, Massachussetts, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, and Rhode Island. Others came from Canada, Egypt, India, Indonesia, Peru, Puerto Rico, and Romania.

One survived the Holocaust. Another spent time in Lebanon during the most recent violence there.

Ironically, one American from a military family was born in South Korea.

Some were naturally outgoing, while others were just coming into their own.

It seems as though these people had only two things in common, one being that they all came to Blacksburg.

They are all of us.

--------------------

That last line is to some degree more true in my case. Although I generally maintain a certain anonymity here by not publishing my full name, I will mention here that one of the victims -- Leslie Sherman -- has the same last name as me. We are not related, nor do I know her, but I tried to find out a little of her background.

There seems to be less information on Leslie than on many of the other victims, but I came across a short mention from last November in a community newspaper that I'm pretty sure refers to her. (Same name, same hometown, same year at VT.) If you have ever been to college, or know anyone who has, you know that one thing students usually don't want to give up is Thanksgiving at home. Well, last Thanksgiving, Leslie didn't go home. Instead, she went to New Orleans to help with the post-Katrina cleanup and feed the homeless.

A very special young woman, indeed.

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One final note. The modified VT logo above will probably turn up in a few places (it was on the homepage at the University of Florida website). It is a memorial design, but it is not related to this week's tragedy. It is available as a magnet or pin from the VT bookstore, and proceeds are divided between scholarships in honor of two Hokie alumni who gave their lives in the armed forces in the War on Terror.

Spurrier Talks Again...(and not about football)

2007-04-15T00:44:00.000-04:00

Nothing unusual about Steve Spurrier generating controversy with something he said, but this time it had nothing to do with football.

It seems that after South Carolina's spring football game, the Ol' Ball Coach was asked about something he had said Friday night at an award presentation. At the earlier event, he was heard to say that when the Gamecocks played Tennessee last year, ESPN's Game Day coverage was "marred by some clown...waving that dang, damn Confederate flag behind the TV set. And it was embarrassing to me and I know embarrassing to our state." It's worth noting that Spurrier himself grew up south of the Mason-Dixon line -- Tennessee, in fact.

Asked about the comment on Saturday, he said, "My opinion is that we don't need the Confederate flag at our Capitol. I dont' really know anybody that wants it there, but I guess there are a lot of South Carolinians that do want it there."

For some reason this is considered a controversial subject in South Carolina. It seems to me that removing the flag from the Capitol is a no-brainer. Even if you set aside the racist implications, the fact is that the Confederacy is not only dead, it was intended to be a separate country. You won't find the Spanish flag flying on the grounds of the Florida Capitol, or the French flag at the Louisiana statehouse. And if someone tried to raise the Mexican flag at the Capitol building in Texas, it wouldn't take ten minutes before the flag was replaced on the pole by the person crazy enough to suggest the move.

Wild Parrots on PBS

2007-04-09T01:16:00.000-04:00

If you've been following along, you know that I have a great pet bird -- a sun conure named Cisco. So it won't surprise you to find out that I take an interest when I see something on television about birds.

Recently I found out that the PBS series Independent Lens will be featuring "The Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill" in late May. It tells the true story of a bohemian in San Francisco who befriends the wild parrots who populate the Telegraph Hill neighborhood. Most of the birds appear to be cherry-head conures, meaning they are pretty closely related to Cisco.

As with all PBS shows, schedules will vary, but it's at least a seven-week wait, so in the meantime, I may have to read the book.

It also reminds me of the time several years ago when I was riding my bike in Lantana (I lived there at the time) and saw what definitely looked like a pair of amazon parrots flying around and landing on a power line. Amazons are most definitely NOT native to Florida (the only native North American parrot was the Carolina parakeet, which became extinct about a century ago), so these were obviously a couple of escaped pets.

Okay, NOW I have a comment!

2007-04-07T02:14:00.000-04:00

The fact that the University of Florida is now the first team to ever win the Division I football and basketball titles is pretty big, but that may not be the most significant sign of just what is going on in Gator athletics. What may be more significant is Billy Donovan's announcement that he would remain in Gainesville when the Kentucky job was his for the asking. He didn't even wait until the job was officially offered to him.

This means that Florida now has a football coach and a basketball coach who both turned down the most prestigious jobs in their respective sports -- in Donovan's case to remain at Florida, and in the case of Urban Meyer, turning down Notre Dame to accept his current position. To top it off, both of these guys had been assistants at the schools they turned down.

There are two other points about this that extend well beyond UF. First, it continues a trend that has been developing over the past 5-10 years where the most high-profile schools often don't get their first choice. The pressure to win at football schools like Notre Dame, Miami, and Alabama is tremendous, and the alumni are incredibly impatient. Also, I pointed out in another venue, at Kentucky, Donovan had an opportunity to be another in a line of great coaches starting with Adolph Rupp. At Florida, however, Donovan could BE Adolph Rupp. Florida AD Jeremy Foley alluded to this, saying that he and Donovan want to build a program that will one day be held in the same regard as Kentucky and UCLA.

With coaching money getting so big around the country, a head coach can make $1 million or more per year at any number of big schools, so the dollars offered by the big-name school becomes less important, and the chance at a legacy becomes more of a factor. Donovan is still negotiating a contract extension, but it expected that he will earn in the neighborhood of $2 million a year -- about half what the Kentucky offer was projected to be. It's hard to turn down $4M when you're making $300,000, but a lot easier when you're making $2M and not living in someone else's shadow.

The other point also has to do with money, and I'm sure a lot of schools are relieved that there isn't a $4 million man in college basketball. If Donovan -- or anyone else -- were to sign a $4M contract, you can be there would be a lot of other coaches getting big raises, and the bar would be set that much higher for new hires. This really would have put a squeeze on some of the smaller schools and, IMO, could have led to a split in Division I, much like in in football. There probably will be a $4M coach eventually, but at least it has been delayed for a while.

No Comment

2007-04-03T23:25:00.000-04:00

I mean, really...what more needs to be said?

What's Hot at BAM

2007-03-30T03:50:00.000-04:00

Here are some books that seem to be generating interest at the store where I work. Please note that these are not necessarily bestsellers (New York Times, Books-A-Million, or even just our location), but I have noticed them selling or people are coming in and asking about them:

You probably already have heard something about The Secret. The author appeared on Oprah -- twice -- which translated into the publisher having to do a second printing. One weekend we received 120 copies on Saturday and sold out by Monday.
The Glass Castle is a memoir by Jeanette Walls, a regular contributor to MSNBC. The book describes her years growing up in a family that might be described as eccentric, wandering through the Southwest until poverty forced a return to a West Virginia mining town. This is another one title we've had to reorder from the warehouse several times.
1,000 Places to See Before You Die is being made into a television series on one of the cable channels. I'm temporarily without cable, so I can't offer more information on that, but quite a few people have requested the book. The author also has a follow-up coming in June, 1000 Places to See in the U.S.A. and Canada Before You Die.
Sidney Poitier's second autobiography, Measure of a Man, is another Oprah's Book Club pick. It is available in both hardcover and paperback.
One Thousand White Women is a book I hadn't heard of until people started coming and asking for it -- enough that I asked if it was being read by a local book club. It wasn't -- people just wanted to read it. It is based on the true story of a woman who travels west to marry the chief of the Cheyenne nation in 1875.
The Four Agreements, like The Secret, gives New Age-type advice -- in this case based on Toltec tradition -- on how to make life more fulfilling. I would like to hear from someone who has read both books and can compare them.
In Water for Elephants, Sara Gruen tells the tale of a 90-year-old looking back at his experiences working at a third-rate circus during the Depression. Gruen donates a portion of her book royalties to animal charities.

I Can't Imagine Why People Think He's Strange....

2007-03-28T02:00:00.000-04:00

...I mean, just because a guy wants a 50-foot robot version of himself wandering through the desert shooting lasers...that's pretty typical. Right?

Why am I suddenly reminded of Mecha-Streisand?

It's Knut Day!

2007-03-23T21:17:00.000-04:00

Polar bears are some of the most fierce animals on the planet. I've heard that they are among the few animals that will kill for reasons other than food or defense.

But even so...how can you not love this little guy? Knut is the cub that was rejected by his mother at the Berlin Zoo. You can see more pictures of Knut here.

Hey, New Mexico...Welcome to the 20th Century!

2007-03-21T04:39:00.000-04:00

It only took 18 years, but New Mexico finally got around to outlawing cockfighting. If you're like me, you thought that this "sport" was illegal everywhere in the U.S. Not only was that not true, it still isn't. Louisiana still allows it.

An "important cultural tradition"? Jim Crow, pogroms, and gladiator fights were cultural traditions at various times. And other states with large Hispanic populations, such as Florida, Arizona, Texas and California, managed to outlaw cockfights years ago. Hopefully being the last holdout to allow cockfights might help to bring about a ban in Louisiana -- but one might reasonably expect cockfighting to be comparatively low on the state's post-Katrina priority list.

Easier Than "Where's Waldo?"

2007-03-15T03:09:00.000-04:00

It took me a while to get around to scanning this, but here it is. This is the cover of a special issue put out by Lindy's to commemorate the BCS champions. See if you can spot the error.

There actually is an article about the Gators; in fact all of pages 94-96 are about them. I e-mailed Lindy's about this (after the game), telling them that I planned to have the magazine mounted so I could display it alongside my "Dewey Defeats Truman" edition of the Chicago Tribune, my 2004 New York Yankees World Series pennant, my George W. Bush "Mission Accomplished" banner, and my invitation to the MGM party celebrating the Best Picture Academy Award for Ishtar. (Yeah, yeah, I know -- it was Heaven's Gate, not Ishtar.)

To his credit, Lindy Davis himself wrote me back a very nice message saying that they put out the issue, which came out several weeks before the championship game was played, because Ohio State has such a large fan base and buys so much "stuff." I also heard later that some stores in Ohio were selling championship t-shirts and caps, which I'm guessing have not been selling well.

My Conspiracy Theory

2007-03-12T18:38:00.000-04:00

By now you likely have heard about the new Presidential Dollar Coin program. Every three months, the U.S. Mint will issue a new dollar coin depicting a U.S. president on the front, with each president appearing in the order they held office. The idea is essentially the same as the very popular State Quarters program. There is one big difference, however: People like quarters, but they hate dollar coins -- so much so that they seem to be trying to force them into use by having the Post Office use dollar coins for change in stamp machines.

You may also know that some of the George Washington dollar coins were released with the lettering on the edge missing. Someone on eBay (foolishly, it turns out) paid something like $600 for one such coin, as "error" coins are usually quite valuable. It turns out that about 60,000 of the "atheist coins" were minted and distributed, so their value has come down. However, they are still expected to trade for $40 to $60, and people are looking over their dollar coins very closely now.

All of which leads me to this question: Did the Mint deliberately make this "error" to encourage people to ask for the coins and get them into circulation?

This theory isn't quite along the lines of wearing an aluminum foil hat so the government can't read your mind. Minting of coins is a lot more sophisticated than it was in 1937, when the three-legged buffalo got out, and I'm sure there are a lot of computer safeguards in place. So not only is it less likely that such a big mistake could occur in the first place, but it is even more unlikely that nobody wouldn't catch this before tens of thousands of coins were circulated.

By the way, most of us don't really think about the edges of coins, but to the blind they are very important in helping to identify coins, and I think most of us also do so subconciously when we reach in our pockets. Pennies, nickels, and dollars (starting with Sacajawea) are smooth-edged, dimes, quarters and half-dollars have grooves on the edge.

Is It Leap Year Already?

2007-03-01T01:59:00.000-05:00

Apparently getting from February to March is a bigger problem than Y2K was.

I have Caller ID, and both of the phones in my apartment have the necessary displays. What's convenient is that I don't have to program the time and date. The phones automatically get that info from the phone company.

Tonight I came home from work about 12:30 am and checked to see if there were any calls. Guess what? According to BOTH phones, it is February 29 right now. I'm wondering how widespread this is -- is it a local glitch? Is it affecting all BellSouth customers? (Yeah, technically we're now part of AT&T, but parts of the changeover is probably still being worked on.)

Duck! I mean...Heron!

2007-02-26T15:17:00.000-05:00

We had a bit of excitement at work the other day. I was at the counter, along with my general manager and one of the associates, when we heard a loud bang at the front window. When I went to check it out, I found a bird on the sidewalk that had crashed into the window. This isn't that unusual -- occasionally when we arrive in the morning, we will see some small sparrows on the sidewalk that have broken their necks flying into the glass. But this was no sparrow -- it was a great blue heron.

If you're not familiar with herons, the great blue is the largest in the U.S., standing about four feet high. I have seen them only on a few occasions, and until now only in or near water. And I have certainly never seen one fly into a window.

The bird quickly got up and started walking around. He (and we) were lucky he didn't actually go through the window. I don't think he was injured, although I wasn't about to examine a wild bird that size. I'm guessing he was just dazed, because he walked amid the shoppers passing by, and at one point even got up to a run. He didn't fly away right away, which I suppose might have been because he wasn't sure which way to go -- the sidewalk is covered, and there are large concrete pillars along the parking lot side, as well as hedges. But the heron was gone when I went home a little later, so I'm guessing he recovered and flew away having injured nothing more than his dignity.

Foreign Language?

2007-02-20T02:07:00.000-05:00

Today at the bookstore I came across a rather unusual book: The Australian-English/English-Australian Phrasebook. Just in case you have trouble understanding Steve Irwin on those repeats of Crocodile Hunter.

Turns out Lonely Planet also publishes an Australian phrasebook, although that one also gives in introduction to Aboriginal languages.

How to Get in Trouble

2007-02-03T02:58:00.000-05:00

OK, I know I haven't posted in two weeks. Sorry. Things have been a bit crazy at work. Last week I was at a family reunion. Blah, blah, blah. But the other day I was going through some files in my computer (remember, I'm still on the old backup computer) and found an old favorite. It's based on a post someone shared with the members of CompuServe forum some time ago. The first 50 were the original item; the rest are my own additions. And please note that the original and the additions all date back to before 2001.

50 THINGS TO DO ON A FINAL EXAM WHEN YOU KNOW THAT NO MATTER HOW WELL YOU DO ON THE EXAM, YOU WILL FAIL THE CLASS

1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "Oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.

2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!"

3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.

4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.

5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

6. Bring cheerleaders.

7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"

8. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...). Play with the volume at max level.

9. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: "I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs." Be creative.

10. Bring pets.

11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say, "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.

12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.

13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.

14. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

15. Come down with a BAD case of Turette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.

16. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.

17. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

18. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

19. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.

20. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, and continue with the exam.

21. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

22. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple-choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc.).

23. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

24. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Forget this!" and walk out triumphantly.

25. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour)

26. Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

27. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "The light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"

28. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.

29. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.

30. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.

31. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!"

32. Bring a water pistol with you. 'Nuff said.

33. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.

34. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.

35. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

36. Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and shield.

37. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.

38. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."

39. When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.

40. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

41. One word: Wrestlemania.

42. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.

43. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.

44. Play Frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.

45. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.

46. Have deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc. sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.

47. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.

48. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90-degree angle.

49. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say, "it helps me think." Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so".

50. Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx is stupid"

====
(Mark's additions)

51. If it's a math test, put down obviously wrong answers, then demand extra credit for using base 12.

52. Also on a math test, spell out all numbers as words. If possible use slang variants, such as "deuce" for two, or spell the numbers out in a foreign language, preferably one with a different alphabet -- Hebrew is an excellent choice. (Hebrew uses letters to stand for numbers -- alef, the first letter, is one, etc.; the eleventh and twelfth letters represent 20 and 30, and so on.)

53. On an essay test, write in the style of Beavis and Butthead. Don't forget liberal use of "huh, huh, huhuhuh...." Especially fun if you are discussing a heavy author, such as Hemingway or Faulkner.

54. Write a lengthy diatribe on why the liberal/conservative (your choice) forces running the school make it impossible for you to pass the test. Be sure to drop phrases such as left/right wing conspiracy, black helicopters, and Men in Black.

55. Bring a CD player and start blasting that obnoxious Gary Glitter tune that infests every sporting event in North America. Don't forget to shout the "Hey"s.

56. Start a conversation with an imaginary friend over the correct answers. Work it up to an argument.

57. At the end of the exam, turn in a computer disk and say, "The answers should be okay, but the guy next to me on the bus (subway, whatever) said he had magnets in his pocket.

58. Bring a shaving kit. When the exam starts, lather up and start shaving.

59. Bring a cellular phone and have a friend call you repeatedly. When the instructor objects, tell him it's for him (if the phone has just rung) or that the person wants to speak to him (if you're in mid-conversation).

60. Show up in a tux or formal gown and bring a stack of envelopes. After the test is handed out, read the first question out loud, open an envelope and exclaim, "...and the winner is..." followed by a possible answer. Repeat often. If the instructor complains, give an acceptance speech, making sure to thank everyone you have ever met and making liberal use of the phrase, "You like me, you really, really like me!"

61. Every so often, shout out remark's such as, "Yeah, like I'll ever need to know *this*" or "The square root of 37? Who gives a rat's ass?"

62. Pick an odd time about midway to two-thirds of the way through the exam period, for example 11:37. Keep asking the instructor if it is 11:37 yet, increasing the frequency of the questioning as the time approaches. When it's a minute or two before the specified time, quickly turn in the exam and run out the door as fast as possible.

63. Bring a tube of Super Glue. When nobody's watching, glue your exam to the desk. Make sure it is sufficiently glued so that it can't possibly be removed without destroying it completely.

64. In the middle of the exam, burst into tears and start babbling about failure, the “family business,” and people with names such as Vito, Jimmy the Rat, and Frankie the Fixer.

65. At the end of the period vomit all over the exam.

66. If the schedule works out just right, bring a miniature tv set, turn on a ballgame, and do a play-by-play. Howard Cosell impersonation optional.

67. Start collecting pennies a week before the exam. Bring them with you. When the exam starts, drop them all over the floor.

68. Start building a psychological profile of the instructor based on the exam questions -- out loud, of course. (WARNING: Don't try this in a psychology exam unless you have time for an extended “vacation.”)

69. When the exam starts, get up and move your desk ever so slightly. Sit down. Get up and nudge it again. Keep repeating this until the instructor objects, then tell him you need to sit in just the right place so that you will be properly aligned with the stars/the earth's magnetic fields/whatever.

70. Read over the exam, then start banging your shoe on the desk, a la Khrushchev.

71. Two words: Mr. Microphone.

72. Arrange for the instructor to receive a strip-o-gram during the exam.

73. During the exam, start delivering a sermon on the evils of __________. (Fill in the blank with the subject of the course.

74. Read each question out loud followed by uncontrollable laughter.

75. Eat beans. Lots of them. Lots and lots and lots of them. For a full day before the exam. For an added touch, bring a large pot of beans with you and offer them to your classmates throughout the exam.

Phish Hook

2007-01-20T01:56:00.000-05:00

OK, it's just a dent, but they nailed a phisher big time -- he's facing 101 years in prison.

Could It Be Love?

2007-01-14T01:00:00.001-05:00

Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell.

Seriously. Have you ever seen two people talk so much about each other?

National Champs...Again!

2007-01-11T02:17:00.000-05:00

OK, so you've been expecting me to post about the Gators winning the national title this week. Well, what can I say that hasn't alread been said?

Well, just a little bit, actually.

Obviously Chris Leak and the other seniors won't be back next year, and a number of juniors will probably enter the draft, too. But there are three other guys who may be highly sought after in the wake of the team's convincing performance Monday night.

The first is Athletic Director Jeremy Foley. As has been stated repeatedly, never before has one school had the Division I football and basketball titles simultaneously. As the guy whose program put it all together, one has to think that Foley could write his own ticket. His decision to hire Urban Meyer was a no-brainer, but is ability to actually get Meyer -- who turned down the Notre Dame job to come to Gainesville -- is significant. Foley also hired Billy Donovan for the basketball team when Donovan wasn't even sure he wanted to return to coaching. According to Donovan, he was advised by his mentor, Louisville head coach Rick Pitino, not to take the job. Foley found out about it and talked to Pitino, who immediately called Donovan back and told him he had to take the job.

Fortunately, Foley has shown little indication that he would consider going elsewhere. He has been at UF for 30 years, starting as an intern in the ticket office in 1976 and working his way up the ladder, earning the top job in 1992.

The other two guys who will start showing up on wish lists are the co-defensive coordinators, Charlie Strong and Greg Mattison. Strong is a holdover from the Ron Zook era, and served as head coach at the 2004 Peach Bowl following Zook's departure. Mattison was hired by Meyer when he took over at UF, having served in the same position at Notre Dame. Both should expect to be considered for head coaching jobs. One thing to note is that defensive coordinators at Florida, even during the Spurrier Era, when offense reigned supreme, have gone on to successful head coaching careers. Forget about Ron Zook -- Bob Stoops has won a national title at Oklahoma, and Bob Pruett was tremendously successful at Marshall, winning a Division I-AA championship and then to prominence in I-A.

The good news here is that if we lose one, we may still keep the other.

Here's to the Diehards....

2006-12-24T23:03:00.000-05:00

As I was going to post before the bad news came up, while I have tomorrow off, and hopefully you do, too, I'd like to commend the folks who have to go in to work tomorrow. Even if you don't actually observe Christmas, it's pretty depressing having to work on a day when you know most of the rest of the country is relaxing.

There are the police officers, fire and rescue folks, medical people (even though the doctor's offices are closed, many are on call, and someone has to man the emergency rooms), airline workers, and of course all the military people both at home and overseas doing their duty. But let's also not forget the people we don't normally think about: people working at gas stations so the rest of us can visit family and friends, people in radio and television, the people running the presses at your local newspaper, tech support people, and repair people who get called upon if your telephone or power goes out. Oh, yeah, and all the webmasters who are on call in case their websites go down! I'm sure there are plenty more, and I'm sorry if I missed you, but to all of you people...THANKS!

Mall Shooting

2006-12-24T22:44:00.000-05:00

I'm interrupting my originally planned posting because of an incident that made news here, and probably around the country.

If you heard about the shooting at the Boynton Beach Mall today, yes that's not far from where I live, and actually very near the store where I work -- probably 15-20 minutes away. In fact, at one time I did work at a store in the Boynton Beach Mall, and when I worked for the inventory company, I did a LOT of jobs there. But I was at work all day today in Delray Beach, which is the next town south of Boynton Beach. And I have a much greater appreciation for the police officer who dropped in to ask if everything was okay at our store.

Home Stretch!

2006-12-24T02:20:00.000-05:00

I haven't posted a lot lately because -- no surprise here -- I've been pretty busy with work at the bookstore. Just one more day of Christmas shopping madness to go! Tonight (Saturday) was the last night of closing at midnight at Books-A-Million, and we close early tomorrow.

Of course, there is still plenty of work ahead. Those of us in management will be there an extra hour and a half tomorrow to get ready for the after-Christmas markdowns, and the opening crew (not me, fortunately) has to be in at 6 am to finish setting up for the 8 am opening.

Monday I will be heading to Mom's. Yeah, so what if I'm Jewish? I still get the day off, and Mom's cooking is still the best!

I hope anyone reading this has a great Christmas Day (hopefully without work), and the best New Year ever....

The Time Has Come.... ;-(

2006-12-15T03:36:00.000-05:00

Well, I held out for a while, but after being hit with comment spam every night this week, I've had to turn on word verification for comments. I had hoped that the spam might indicate that more people were reading, but no evidence of that to date.

Holy Crap :-(

2006-12-14T02:07:00.000-05:00

There a couple of actors I can think of who I didn't see in a lot of different roles, but whenever I did see them, I knew I was in for a treat. One of these guys is Peter Boyle, who passed away Tuesday at the age of 71.

Of course we all know Boyle as Frank Barone from Everybody Loves Raymond, through which he'll probably live forever in syndication. Much was made of the fact that he was the only regular not to win an Emmy Award on that show, but in fact he was (I think) the only cast member to have won an Emmy before Raymond. It was in large part his portrayal of Clyde Bruckman on The X-Files that made "Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose" the best episode in the entire run of the series. (Don't take my word for it -- TV Guide named it one of the best episodes in the history of television.)

Maybe the best tribute to Boyle's talent is that he managed to win praise for performances in poorly received productions. His role in the movie Joe helped make his career, even though the movie itself was panned by almost everyone.

In reading about Boyle today, I found that he was a real survivor -- he had a nervous breakdown while serving in the Navy, suffered a stroke in 1990, and had a heart attack on the set of Raymond. Also, he was a friend of John Lennon, who was the best man at his wedding.

We'll miss ya, Peter.

Journalistic Integrity. Yeah, Right.

2006-12-11T01:42:00.000-05:00

A lot of television stations have a Sunday Sports Final, or some sort of extended sports report on Sunday night where they cover the entire weekend sports activities, as well as a review of the previous week. Channel 7 in Miami is no exception. The Fox affiliate is gets pretty in-depth with its Sunday Sports Xtra, hosted by Mike DiPasquale, but I can't stand to watch it. Why? Because one of the regulars on this show is Drew Rosenhaus. Yes, THAT Drew Rosenhaus, the big-time sports agent.

Does anyone at Channel 7 understand the term "conflict of interest"? This would be like Fox News keeping Tony Snow on as a White House correspondent after he become the White House Press Secretary. What's worse, Rosenhaus is pretty shameless about it. A few weeks ago, when Jason Taylor of the Miami Dolphins had an especially good game, DiPasquale asked Rosenhaus if he thought Taylor might be the Dolphins' best defensive player ever. Rosenhaus said that while Taylor is pretty good, he thought that Zack Thomas probably deserved the honor, adding that Thomas is one of his clients.

What I really wish I had seen is Rosenhaus being questioned by DiPasquale last year when Terrell Owens, also a client, was being indefinitely suspended by the Eagles.

Next question!

Back at the Bookstore....

2006-12-10T01:10:00.000-05:00

I haven't posted anything about what's going on at Books-A-Million in a while, so I thought I'd see if anyone has read some of the more popular titles.

At our location in Delray Beach, this is what has been moving:

You On a Diet is the follow-up to the bestselling You: The Owner's Manual. This is so popular that on Friday we were instructed by home office to replace all the books on a feature cart with just this one book.
I'm not sure why so many people are coming in to ask for Snow Flower and the Secret Fan, which is now in paperback. I haven't heard much "buzz" on it, and I hadn't even heard about it when it was in hardcover. But we ran out of it during the past week (partly because the computer thought we had more copies on hand than we did), and when it arrived today there was a list of people waiting to be called.
No such mystery about State of Denial -- this is as topical as it gets, and Bob Woodward may be the best-known journalist in the world. The Iraq Study Group Report arrived this past week, and it will probably be in high demand, too.

Also, there are novels by the usual suspects: James Patterson, Stephen King, Stuart Woods, Nicholas Sparks, Dean Koontz, and Nelson DeMille. And John Grisham has his first non-fiction book out, The Innocent Man, a true-life story told in the style of Grisham's legal thrillers.

Anybody read any of these?

A Couple More Bowl Thoughts

2006-12-06T03:59:00.000-05:00

I don't remember ever seeing a guy catch so much grief for doing the right thing as Jim Tressel..

Say what you want about loyalty to conference, dislike for a bitter rival, or creating bulletin board material for an opponent -- the bottom line is that Tressel absolutely faced a conflict of interest with his ballot, and could easily have voted for whichever school he felt his Buckeyes would match up with better. And as close as the voting was expected to be, he could have expected his vote to make a difference.

Jim Mandich, the former tight end for the Dolphins who is now a sportscaster, called Tressel a "weenie." Of course, it should be noted that Mandich played his college ball at Michigan, so Mad Dog is hardly impartial, even if Michigan hadn't been one of the teams involved. He's about as likely to praise an OSU coach as Woody Hayes would be to put on a maize and blue cheerleader outfit and start singing "Hail to the Victors."

There is now a possibility that Tressel will be dropped from the poll. If so, he'll be on the voting sidelines with Florida coach Urban Meyer, who has consistently opted not to be part of the voting throughout his career.
======================

On a more positive note, one of the best stories of the bowl season isn't about a team, but about a city. Last year's Sugar Bowl was moved to Atlanta because of the damage Katrina caused to the Superdome, which at the time was believed to be beyond repair. Not only is the game back in the Superdome, but New Orleans got what might be the best possible matchup in terms of bringing people back to the Big Easy. LSU will be making a relatively short trip from Baton Rouge, and as the de facto home team will surely bring a lot of fans. I have been in New Orleans at Sugar Bowl time, and it's a huge party for several days, from New Year's Eve until the morning after the game, so even people without tickets will come for the atmosphere.

LSU's opponent will be Notre Dame, which, as they say, "travels well." The Irish would probably bring a large contingent of fans if they played a bowl game on Saturn. Any Sugar Bowl would give New Orleans a huge boost in its rebuilding efforts, but the city couldn't have asked for a better draw than this.

2006 vs. 1996

2006-12-05T03:53:00.000-05:00

OK, we all know how I feel about the Florida Gators getting to play Ohio State in the Fiesta Bowl. And there is enough already written about why the voters jumped the Gators over Michigan in the polls -- no need for me to repeat those arguments.

Instead, I'd like to address the comments criticizing the Gators and/or Urban Meyer for arguing against giving Michigan a rematch against Ohio State when UF won its 1996 national championship by playing a rematch against Florida State. Here are a few things to consider:

First off, anyone calling Urban Meyer "hypocritical" for saying that Michigan already had their shot, please leave the room and learn something. Meyer had nothing to do with the University of Florida in 1996. In fact, I don't think he was a head coach anywhere, and for all we know, he may have argued against that rematch.
In 1996, the BCS didn't exist. What we had at that time was the Bowl Alliance. And the purpose of that was not specifically to determine a national champion, but to improve the old bowl system. Under the old system, the SEC, Big XII, and Southwest Conference and exclusive contracts binding their champions to the Sugar, Orange, and Cotton Bowls respectively. (By 1996, the SWC was defunct, and the Cotton Bowl fell out of the old Bowl Coalition.) This meant that if the two top-ranked teams were the champions of these conferences, you couldn't match them up. Furthermore, the champions of the Big East and ACC were essentially "free agents," so they could choose any of those bowls, or the Fiesta Bowl, if they thought it gave them a better matchup. The Bowl Alliance, for all its flaws, did remedy those situations.
Even with these situations resolved, the Big Ten and Pac-10 were tied to the Rose Bowl, which wasn't part of the package. That by itself meant that the bowl game hosting the highest ranked teams in the Bowl Alliance wasn't going to be a championship game unless it just happened to work out as #1 vs. #2. So a rematch in that game is not exactly comparable to a rematch in the BCS championship game.
When the 1996 Sugar Bowl was set as a Florida-FSU rematch, even then it wasn't considered a title game. FSU came in unbeaten and ranked #1 (note that all rankings are AP), but Florida was ranked #3. The #2 team was Arizona State, the only other undefeated team in I-A -- but committed to the Rose Bowl. It was only after Arizona State lost the Rose Bowl (to Ohio State, coincidentally enough) that people viewed the Sugar Bowl as a championship game. If the BCS had existed in any form that included the Big Ten, Pac-10 and Rose Bowl in 1996, FSU and ASU would have met, and there would have been no question about it.
This year, both Florida and Michigan can make legitimate claims that they deserve to play Ohio State. In other words, Florida is at the very least a valid alternative to Michigan. In 1996, there really wasn't another legitimate claimant. If you want to say the Gators shouldn't have been granted a rematch, then you also have to provide a suitable replacement. Who would FSU have played? Well, #2 Arizona State and #4 Ohio State were obligated to the Rose Bowl. Number 5 was Brigham Young, champions of the WAC -- which wasn't part of the Bowl Alliance. At that point, you now drop to #6, which was Nebraska, which actually was expected to get the bid -- until Texas beat them in the Big XII Championship Game. (Texas at that point was 8-4, ranked #20. So do you allow a team that didn't win its conference? (Does that question sound familiar?). If not, you would have to drop all the way to #10 to get a conference champion in the Alliance -- Virginia Tech. The Hokies were 10-1, their loss being a 52-21 drubbing by Syracuse, although they went on to lose 41-21 to the aforementioned Nebraska team.

So the situations are not really comparable. Having said all that, I don't think there should be a rule against rematches -- my last point above illustrates that, although the inclusion of the Rose Bowl and its affiliated conferences greatly reduces the likelihood of a similar situation. In fact, if Florida had lost to Arkansas this past weekend, I don't see a reasonable alternative to another Ohio State-Michigan matchup.

Next post I'll talk about two other bowl topics: Jim Tressel's abstention and the Sugar Bowl.

It's Almost Over....

2006-11-29T23:48:00.000-05:00

OK, it's November 29, and we all know what that means! OK, maybe not...for those not used to watching the weather in the Atlantic and Caribbean, there's only one more day left in hurricane season. This was one of the calmest years I can remember, and boy did we deserve it after getting slammed the last two years. Hopefully this will not only give residents time to continue rebuilding, but also allow Florida's citrus industry to recover. If you've been paying more for orange juice, that will be good news for you, too.

Meteorologists are attributing the relative lack of hurricane activity in part to El Nino -- yes, the same El Nino that creates so much weather chaos elsewhere actually does create conditions unfavorable to hurricane development in the Atlantic. While it is possible to have hurricanes form after the official end of the season, such storms are exceedingly rare, and tend to be less severe.

That "expert" at Colorado State blew it again. I've always considered that suspect. I mean, really...if you want to study hurricanes, you probably ought to do it from someplace just a little bit closer to where they actually exist.

Working on Turkey Day

2006-11-22T20:07:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I fell behind with my posting, so I'm trying to make up for it with a second post today.

Who else has to work on Thanksgiving Day, and what sort of work do you do? My hats are off to all the people who give up even part of their Turkey Day to provide essential services -- police, fire and rescue personnel, doctors and nurses, and everyone else, especially those that are spending their holiday overseas in uniform.

But I work in retail, and we are expecting very little business tomorrow. The store will be open Sunday hours (9 am to 9 pm), so we have two shifts going. I have been working on a project to hopefully bring in some institutional sales, so I am looking at the day as a chance to finish off the project with minimal distractions. The company is giving us money for food, but since there won't be many restaurants open, our options are limited. We are planning to get take-out from the Japanese place in our shopping center. (There's something to be thankful for -- Chinese and Japanese restaurants that are almost always open on Thanksgiving and Christmas!)

Needless to say I will be working on Friday, and I'm also scheduled for Saturday and Sunday. My plan is to take off early on Sunday and head to Mom's for leftover turkey. Actually, I was a day late last year, too, although for different reasons. Thursday afternoon I went to my car, and I had a flat tire. Since there was no place to get a new tire, I had to wait until Friday.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone, and if you are in the Delray Beach area, come on into Books-A-Million and say hello!

SNOW!

2006-11-22T19:56:00.000-05:00

No, you didn't accidentally stumble into my brother's blog and his Montana weather. But Florida was hit with a cold front this week, and last night there was SNOW in Orlando. Eat your heart out, Dave.

$500,000 in postage?

2006-11-12T01:44:00.000-05:00

Somebody in Broward County made a big mistake with their absentee ballot. Make that two big mistakes -- but it will make some money for my county.

First, they didn't include any form of identification so the ballot could be verified as legitimate.

Second, they mailed it in using what is probably the rarest and most valuable stamp in the U.S., if not in the world.

And NO, I didn't do it. I dropped my absentee ballot off in person.

A Few More Election Notes

2006-11-09T03:25:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I mentioned a proposed amendent to the state constitution that would require at least 60 percent of voters to vote yes for future amendments to pass. No other state has such a rule in place, and Florida already has the strictest requirements for even putting a proposed amendment on the ballot. For example, 600,000 signatures are required, which is even more than California, which has more than double the population. Well, guess what? That amendment passed -- with 58 percent of the vote. That means it didn't even meet its own standard, yet it becomes law.

Four of the other five proposed amendments reached the magic 60 percent mark. Two pertained to property taxes: one giving more relief for disabled veterans and another allowing local governments to increase the homestead exemption for low-income seniors passed with 78 and 76 percent of the vote, respectively.

Another prohibits the use of eminent domain to transfer property to private developers (remember that Supreme Court ruling?) unless an exemption is approved by three-fifths (hey, that's 60 percent!) of both houses of the legislature. That got 69 percent of the vote. And 60 percent voted to require the state to use at least 15 percent of the state's settlement with the tobacco companies for anti-smoking programs directed toward children.

Even the remaining amendment -- a very complicated proposal (at least to me) about how the state spends certain types of revenue -- got 59 percent of the vote, more than the "Amendment Amendment."

A few other notes of possible interest:

Remember a while back I mentioned our Secretary of Agriculture, Charles Bronson? He was re-elected in a landslide. I'm sure the name doesn't hurt.
I know you remember Mark Foley. His replacement in the election, Joe Negron did much better than expected considering the obstacles he faced, but not well enough to win. Negron received 47.6 percent of the vote, compared to 49.6 percent to Tim Mahoney. There also was an unaffiliated candidate, Emmie Ross, who received the remaining 2.8 percent. That may sound small, but she received 6473 votes -- almost 2000 more than the difference between the two major-party candidates.
Also last night I wrote about a neighboring district where one could vote for Beer for Circuit Court Judge -- not another amendment, but an actual judicial candidate named Jerry Beer, who was running against David French. It took until Wednesday to determine that he lost what might be called the "French-Beer Campaign." French beer...now that sounds nasty.

A Couple of Election Night Notes

2006-11-07T22:03:00.000-05:00

The governor of South Carolina was turned away when he tried to vote today. Registration problems? Real or alleged felony conviction? No, he forgot his voter registration card! His wife voted while he went to get the missing card.
I have been seeing campaign signs that read, "Beer for Circuit Court Judge." No, it's not a proposed amendment, it's a candidate for the judiciary named Jerrald Beer. (Not sure if I spelled his first name correctly.)
In the category of "This Is Clearly In Error," earlier tonight I saw a count on the Tim Mahoney-Joe Negron race. This is the U.S. House district from which Mark Foley resigned -- Negron had only five weeks to organize his campaign, and he had to overcome having Foley's name entrenched on the ballot. Still, I can't believe that with any precincts reporting he actually had 0%, as was indicated on one of the reports earlier tonight. (Surprisingly, too close to call as of 10 pm.
One of the propsed amendments to the Florida constitution is about, well...proposed amendments. It would require future amendments to receive at least 60 percent of the votes cast in order to be implemented. (I see it as a way to give lobbyists more power and make it more difficult for the public to have its say when they aren't being truly represented by the legislature.) Ironically, it might pass with less than 60 percent of the votes cast.
Looks like the Rhode Island Republican Lincoln Chafee will lose his seat in the Senate. However, his approval rating is better than 60 percent. Why are they voting out someone they like? Speculation among the commentators on television is that the voters are actually voting against the president...but I don't see why that would be so much more prevalent in Rhode Island than in other states.

I'm sure I'll have more tidbits later....

More Voting Aggravation

2006-11-07T00:28:00.000-05:00

Two years ago, before I had my blog, I wrote to my friends about the trouble I had trying to vote. I had a problem getting my absentee ballot, and it took a phone call to one of the television stations to actually get them to send it to me. When I did receive it, it dropped off the ballot at one of locations for early voting, and since that was on Halloween, the poll workers were wearing costumes -- clown costumes.

This year, I again requested an absentee ballot, for a number of reasons. First, I don't trust the touchscreen voting machines, where there is no paper trail. Second, I wasn't sure at the time what my work schedule would be, so this way I wouldn't have to worry about being late to work because I was standing in line or risking getting to the polls too late. Third, no standing in line for who-knows-how-long. (When I dropped off my ballot in 2004, there were probably 200-300 standing in line for the early voting.)

Since early voting ended Sunday, I figured I would drop it off at the library on my way to work -- just run in, walk past the people in line, drop off the ballot, and run back out. The only difficulty was likely to be finding a parking space.

Yeah, right.

When I got to the library, I was told that they would not accept absentee ballots there. The lady there told me that I could leave it, but they would just throw it out. I told the lady that I had dropped off my ballot there two years ago without any problem, but she insisted that they have never accepted them at the polling locations. I was welcome to stand in line and vote (I'm sure I would have been there for well over an hour), or I could take it to the Supervisor of Elections office in downtown Fort Lauderdale, which would mean fighting traffic, paying for parking, and generally lots of hassle.

I ended up taking the ballot to the Deerfield Beach branch of the SoE office, which is a lot less hassle than going downtown. But I was thinking about my vote two years ago, and I wondered if that ballot had been thrown away. You know, the ballot WHERE I VOTED FOR PRESIDENT. At the SoE office, I started to ask about that, but the woman there -- and this is not a volunteer, but a regular staff member -- told me that they are supposed to accept absentee ballots there. She said that the pollworker "was probably just teasing you." Well, she refused to accept the ballot, so that's not what I would call teasing.

The current SoE was appointed by the governor a couple of years ago because the previous supervisor was deemed incompetent after a number of problems. (No, I'm in Broward County, not Palm Beach County, although I DID live in PBC in 2000.) Apparently there is still some work to be done.

I am back...and apparently pretty safe, too.

2006-10-30T17:42:00.000-05:00

I was able to get the modem working on my old computer, so I am now able to go online from home again. However, this being the old computer, it's really not a permanent solution, as Windows ME is NOT the ideal way to go. I've also had to do some updating, as I had to update some of the software on here, especially the Earthlink software. The good news is that I have been backing up my e-mail on this computer just in case of something like this, so I can access all my mail that I might need to refer back to.

Today, I came across the list of the safest and most dangerous cities in the U.S., which listed St. Louis as the most dangerous. When I checked out the complete list, I found that my own city of Coral Springs is #10 on the safest list -- it's also the highest-rated Florida city on the list. Check out the complete list here, but note that only cities that provided crime statistics are included.

Computers Suck

2006-10-23T17:14:00.000-04:00

It looks like I'm in trouble -- my notebook is not booting up, and all indications point to a fried motherboard. Theoretically, I should still be OK -- I have my desktop, which is still on Windows ME, but I back up all my e-mail there, and keep it around for just this sort of thing.

However, last week the modem on that computer quit working. The rental office at my complex has a business center, which is how I'm online now, but there are certaing things I won't do on a shared computer, and besides, the business center is only open until 6 pm, so if I work in the morning I can't get here in time.

In any event, I will not be posting very frequently for a while. I may be able to reinstall the driver or replace the modem on the backup computer, but even that will take some effort, as I seem to be having a problem locating the driver. Anyone know where I can get a driver for a 3Com PCI Fax Modem V.90 & V.92?

Hot Blues!

2006-10-22T02:21:00.000-04:00

A while back I was talking about The Tube. Last week they played a video of "Sweet Home Chicago," which they listed as performed by Eric Clapton. In fact, in this performance, filmed at the Crossroads Guitar Festival, Buddy Guy is the featured performer, and Clapton is backing him, along with Robert Cray and Jimmy Vaughan.

As it turns out, the performance is also available on YouTube, with a bit of commentary at the end.

Another Stingray Attack!

2006-10-20T14:28:00.000-04:00

Just a month after Steve Irwin became the first person ever known to have been killed by a stingray, another man in my area is barely alive after a stingray attack.

Even more amazing, our local victim wasn't even in the water when he was stung. He was in his boat on the Intracoastal Waterway when the stingray jumped out of the water and into his boat. According to a friend who was interviewed on CNN, the man was trying to get the stingray back into the water when he was stung. Although he was in severe pain, he struggled to get the boat back safely, as he had a young passenger who wasn't able to pilot the boat.

Oops....

2006-10-18T20:05:00.000-04:00

OK, so you had a bad day. Maybe you broke a plate. Maybe you even dented your fender. But did you hear what Steve Wynn accidentally did?

This is NOT football

2006-10-15T00:48:00.000-04:00

Florida International University began its football program just a few years ago, and they have already moved up to Division 1-A. Saturday night, the program played what was surely the biggest game in the short history of the program -- a game against the Miami Hurricanes.

One might expect this to be just a typical take-the-check-and-get-blown-out mismatch. FIU plays in the Sun Belt Conference along with such schools as Middle Tennessee, Arkansas State, and Florida Atlantic, which is FIU's natural rival, as the two schools are about 30 miles apart and started their programs a year apart. However, UM's campus is just 9 miles from FIU's, and the vast majority of the players on both rosters are from the local area. UM, a private institution, is far and away the more established program with a lot of local fans, but FIU has a vastly larger local alumni base, being a public university and more than twice the enrollment.

And so the stage was set for what might be a fairly spirited contest. Instead what happened was an embarrassment for both schools, as some unpleasant words turned to pushing and shoving, alleged cheap shots, and finally a bench-clearing brawl that stopped the game, led to the ejection of 13 players, and eventually spread to the stands. I'm sure there are more details than are listed in the story, and which I didn't catch (the game wasn't televised live, and I was watching another game), but one that I did see was a Miami player coming on to the field carrying his helmet and swinging at players in the melee.

As I was driving home, I caught the UM post-game show on the radio, and what I heard just infuriated me. The announcers were bent on blaming everyone not associated with Miami -- the FIU players, the officials, etc. -- while defending even the Hurricanes who left the bench, saying that they would want guys like that who will stand by their teammates.

Worst of all, though, they said that "it's part of the game," because players are caught up in the heat of the moment.

BULL.

If bench-clearing brawls were part of the game, it would happen nearly every week, especially in big rivalries. This was as ugly a brawl as I have ever seen in a football game, and I don't remember EVER seeing anything like this when Miami plays Florida State, Texas plays Oklahoma, Florida plays Georgia, Notre Dame plays USC, or Ohio State plays Michigan, and these are as fierce rivalries as you will find in college football. What's more, I don't care who started it or what was said, you don't come running in from the bench in the heat of the moment. The guy with the helmet should be dismissed from the team, and I wouldn't be shocked if criminal charges were brought for that part of the fight.

Both coaches seem to agree with me, as they have both expressed their outrage and promised to punish their players who took part, although it seems that there wouldn't be too many players left.

During halftime of the game I was watching, Lou Holtz said that the coaches had lost control of the players, and that the players involved had no respect for the game, for their coaches, or for their schools. Lou knows what he's talking about, too -- you may recall that in his final game as a coach, his South Carolina team was involved in a similar fight at the end of their game against Clemson. Holtz also said that was the only such fight any of his teams had been involved in during his long coaching career, so I guess he somehow managed to almost completely avoid that particular "part of the game."

Oh, yeah, and the two teams are scheduled to meet again next October, although it seems that the schools may want to consider cancelling.

Are You Wasting Electricity (and Money)?

2006-10-14T17:49:00.000-04:00

I found this interesting story today about how many of the gadgets in your home can be running up your electric bill even you think they aren't running. I will definitel be looking at this, as I can pay FPL almost $200 a month during the summer.

A Huge Loss for Baseball

2006-10-07T03:35:00.000-04:00

I just read the sad news that Buck O'Neil died Friday night at the age of 94.

Buck first came to the attention of many baseball fans in 1994 when he was featured in Ken Burns' "Baseball" documentary. He was one of a number of players, sportswriters and other baseball personalities who shared their insights on the game, and was the only person to have a full interview during the program. Most of O'Neil's perspectives dealt with his experience in the Negro Leagues, where he played with some of the great black players of the pre-Robinson era. He also roomed with Satchel Paige when he was a catcher for the Kansas City Monarchs.

Even if you aren't a baseball fan, you had to like O'Neil for his charming personality, his ability to tell a story well, and the fact that he was never bitter about not being able to play in the Major Leagues, although he did become the first black coach in MLB.

Earlier this year, a special committee met to make final judgments on Hall of Fame selection for Negro League figures. O'Neil was considered a shoo-in, but for reasons that aren't really clear, he missed election by one vote. True to character, O'Neil insisted he wasn't disappointed, instead saying how lucky he was to have spent his life in baseball. But in addition to having been MLB's first black coach, here are some additional points to ponder:

He was one of the great players of the Negro Leagues. Probably only Josh Gibson, who was sometimes compared to Babe Ruth, surpassed O'Neil as a catcher.
O'Neil served unofficially as the greatest historian of Negro League history for decades after most other players of that era had passed away.
As a scout for the Chicago Cubs, he discovered Lou Brock and Ernie Banks.
Regardless of his official position at any given time, he is always referred to as a goodwill ambassador for baseball, and has done more for the betterment of baseball than many players enshrined in the Hall of Fame.
This past July, Buck batted in both halves of the first inning at the Northern League All-Star Game, making him the oldest man to ever play professional baseball.
At the time of his death, Buck served as chairman of the Negro Leagues Baseball Museum in Kansas City, and also was a member of the Baseball Hall of Fame (Cooperstown) Veteran's Committee.

To give you an idea of the scope of O'Neil's involvement in baseball, consider that he saw home runs hit by Babe Ruth, Josh Gibson, Bo Jackson, and Barry Bonds.

On a more personal note, Buck O'Neil was a native Floridian, and I'm sorry to say that he was denied the chance to share my alma mater (as well as that of the late Red Barber), as the University of Florida did not admit black students in Buck's time.

Rest in peace, Buck. :-(

I Want My Tube!

2006-10-07T03:07:00.000-04:00

Remember the old days, when MTV actually played music videos? And some of them were actually good? And then they stopped playing music, except between 3 am and 6 am, so they came up with MTV2, which was supposed to be all music, all the time. But that didn't last long, either.

But now there is The Tube, which is not available on basic cable in my area. However, one of the local channels shows about an hour of The Tube late at night...and I'm impressed. It's not all rap, boy bands, and the pop tart flavor of the month. In fact, there's a lot of good music from the pre-MTV era. Right now I'm watching "Magic Man" by Heart. Before that it was Bo Diddley playing "Who Do Ya Love?"...and -- is that Ron Wood playing guitar with him?

With more and more channels showing less and less worthwhile programming (I'm temporarily without any cable, and the only thing I'm missing is The History Channel and The Daily Show), I'm thinking I may have to spring for digital just to get The Tube.

A Tough Road for Joe

2006-10-04T22:04:00.000-04:00

With all of the talk about who knew what and when they knew it in the whole Mark Foley thing, one thing seems to be mostly overlooked by the national media: the election in Foley's district.

Since this is really a local story around here, here's a quick rundown:

Foley's opponent was Tim Mahoney, a conservative Democrat who had been given little chance to win. He was trailing Foley by double digits in the polls, and the district had been represented by Republicans for 25 years, which goes back to the days when most of Florida was solidly Democratic.
The state GOP has chosen Joe Negron, a member of the state House of Representatives, to be their nominee for the seat.
Negron had started a campaign for state attorney general, but dropped out. As a result, he has $1.5 million in campaign funds readily available. That sounds small for a congressional campaign, but Negron's campaign will be shorter than most.
The real problem for Negron is not money, but the ballot. Because Foley dropped out so close the the election, his name can't be removed from the ballot. So in order to vote for Negron, a voter will have to pull the lever (or X the box, or touch the name, or whatever applies in a particular precinct) for Mark Foley. A lot of people may not understand this, and before you ask, I think a portion of this district (albeit a very small portion) is in the area where people mistakenly voted for Pat Buchanan in 2000. And some may just refuse to go through the motion of voting for Foley.
What I haven't heard yet is who, if anyone, Jeb will appoint to finish out Foley's current term. Since Congress isn't scheduled to be in session until after the election, I suppose it may remain vacant.
However, Foley's office is still operating, and constituents can still seek help from the staff, which is good for both the people who live in the district and the people who aren't losing their jobs. But it does make you wonder if we really need Congressmen for anything except casting votes.
The other thing I haven't heard about: Has anyone in looked into whether or not Foley committed similar actions while he was serving in the Florida legislature? Supposedly pages were warned about Foley when he first arrived in Washington. If this is true, did he earn a reputation in Tallahassee?

Why Does This Not Sound Like a Good Idea?

2006-10-04T00:09:00.000-04:00

Coming home from work, I heard an ad on the radio promoting a charitable cause. According to the ad, instead of selling my used car, I should donate it to the blind.

That actually would explain a lot....

Foley

2006-10-02T14:23:00.000-04:00

Since you may be wondering, no -- I do not live in the Congressional District which until Friday was represented by Mark Foley. My district, represented by E. Clay Shaw is just to the south -- at least to the extent that any congressional district can be said to be just north, south, east, west, surrounded by, or hovering in the air above any other district. (BTW, if you want to see some serious gerrymandering, check this out, especially the southern districts. Foley is from District 16, which covers eight -- count 'em -- EIGHT counties.)

However, about a dozen or so years ago, Foley was running for the state legislature in a district where I lived at that time. I tend not to vote a strict party line, especially in state and local elections -- I would estimate the split as being about 60/40 -- and I had a particularly difficult time deciding which candidate to vote for. In fact, when I arrived at the polling location, I still hadn't made up my mind.

As it happened, Foley was at the location (outside the required distance, of course), shaking hands and trying to get out the vote. I took the opportunity to ask Foley why I should vote for him. I don't remember what he said, but he said the right things and sounded sincere, so I voted for him.

I wish now that his opponent had been there instead. Excuse me now while I go wash my hands for a couple of hours.

It's Banned Books Week!

2006-09-28T02:15:00.001-04:00

I wish I had known this sooner (and posted it sooner as well), but here it is. September 23-30 is Banned Books Week, sponsored by several organizations concerned with books and libraries. One of those sponsors, the American Library Association, offers loads of information about censorship, the First Amendment, and books that have been challenged.

The site also presents lists of the most challenged books and authors of the 20th Century, 21st Century, 1990s and 2005. One would expect the lists to primarily include truly controversial books, such as Catcher in the Rye, Heather Has Two Mommies, or Sex by Madonna. Actually, many of the books are incredibly tame: The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and James and the Giant Peach are both on the list. Perhaps the oddest entry of all: Where's Waldo?

The REAL King of All Media

2006-09-26T23:44:00.000-04:00

So guess who has a new book out? Hint: He had solid career as a stand-up comedian. He's been in movies. He was wildly successful on television, not once but twice. No? OK...he was responsible for the greatest final episode in the history of series television.

Bob Newhart was once described by someone (me, actually) as the only comedian who is his own straight man. His new book is called I Shouldn't Even Be Doing This, a memoir that also contains comic bits and observations on various subjects. I haven't read it yet, so I don't know how well it works without, uh, well, his very...distinctive way...of delivering lines.

A couple of things about Newhart:

He is the only person to have had his own different television series in the 1960s, 1970s, 1980s, and 1990s.
His best friend is Don Rickles, who is surely the most opposite person to Newhart imaginable. The two of them, along with their wives, often vacation together.
In 2002, Newhart was honored with the Mark Twain Prize for Humor. Other recipients of the award are Richard Pryor, Carl Reiner, Jonathan Winters, Whoopi Goldberg, Lily Tomlin, Lorne Michaels, and Steve Martin. Neil Simon will receive this year's Mark Twain Prize on October 15.
Aside from his television shows, Newhart is best known for his stand-up routines in which he would have a telephone conversation with another unseen, unheard person. This act started as an actual two-person act with a another employee at the ad agency where the two worked. When the co-worker dropped out, Newhart continued the act alone. Among these bits, I most highly recommend the one where Sir Walter Raleigh ("Crazy Wally," as Newhart calls him) calls Newhart at the British East India Company explaining tobacco, and the one where he is a political advisor to Abraham Lincoln, making suggestions to the President on his upcoming Gettysburg Address.
Newhart won an Emmy for a guest appearance on "ER," making him one of a small number of actors to win an Emmy for both comedy and drama. Offhand, the only other performer I can think of to pull off the feat is Carroll O'Connor, for "All in the Family" and "In the Heat of the Night." (I'm sure actual research would enable me to find a few more.)

Farewell to the F-14

2006-09-25T00:32:00.000-04:00

Last week the Navy retired the last American F-14 Tomcats. Most people know of the Tomcat from the movie "Top Gun" -- Tom Cruise, navy pilot, yadda, yadda, yadda. Now if you know about my family background, you know that I from from a solid Air Force family. My father retired with 28 years, my brother and sister are both active duty, and my stepfather was in the USAF before my mother met him.

So why would I be writing about a Navy plane? Because I grew up in Stuart, Florida.

When I was a kid, Grumman Aerospace had a facility in Stuart where, I believe, some work was done on the F-14s. Not too far away, between Stuart and West Palm Beach, Pratt & Whitney had a huge plant, and I think the engines on the early F-14s were made there. (Later versions of the F-14 used engines made by General Electric.) And those two companies employed a lot of people whose kids were my schoolmates. In short, the F-14 supported a lot of the families in my hometown.

Many of my schoolmates had stickers on their notebooks depicting the F-14 Tomcat mascot -- a pudgy Tomcat wearing an armed holster, leaning over a table, proclaiming, "Anytime, baby."

A bit of research turned up an interesting tidbit: While the U.S. Navy has retired the F-14, there are Tomcats still in service, as the Iranian Air Force still uses it. However, they probably have difficulty obtaining spare parts, which went out of production even for the U.S. Navy some time ago.

Terrorism, Forgiveness, Online Polls, and Funny Medicine

2006-09-07T00:56:00.000-04:00

I don’t usually get into politics and religion here. I didn’t start this blog to create arguments and bad feelings. But I always knew there would be some exceptions, and this is one case in point.

A friend of mine alerted me to a website that features a bogus poll. Let’s face it, any poll on a website where you can vote over and over again is bogus. In this case, the question is: “Would you support a Garden of Forgiveness at Ground Zero.”

The purpose of the site is to publicize an upcoming film promoting the idea of such a garden. Personally, I’m not in favor of the idea, although I support other people’s right to express other opinion. According to my friend, the group behind the idea of the Garden of Forgiveness doesn’t seem so receptive to differing viewpoints. When people object, their standard response is that “many aren’t ready to forgive.” As I said, it’s not the would-be forgivers who aren’t ready, it’s the would-be forgiven, as they are still working hard at finding ways to kill more people."

But what bothers me is what I’ve found out about the people making the film. First, it appears they are trying to capitalize on the tragedy rather than offering genuine help, as none of the profits are earmarked to benefit any 9/11 charities or ministries.

Meanwhile, another film is being produced, supposedly about the plight of Ground Zero workers who have been affected by respiratory ailments, and a treatment which, according to the filmmakers, provides relief from this affliction. This treatment is “neither medically safe nor scientifically verified.” The chief medical officer of the FDNY is aware of the "treatment," but does not endorse it. But…guess what group does endorse it? Here's a clue: several people involved in the making of the documentary belong to this group, as do a number of well-known actors. Of course, the film doesn't mention this group's heavy involvement. Know who this is?.

My Personal (Would-Be) Stingray Encounter

2006-09-06T02:11:00.000-04:00

How dangerous are stingrays? Well, as someone noted at BLTB, Steve Irwin is only the third person known to have been killed by one.

But I could easily have had my own stingray encounter as an adolescent. When I was in middle school, one thing we got to do every year was spend a week at the Environmental Studies Center. I think this is unique to Florida, and maybe even to our county. We would go to the center (each school sent kids during a different week) and learn about how the local ecosystem worked. There were a few days where we would actually take a field trip to the Indian River lagoon (to any former teachers reading this: see, I still remember that the "Indian River" is actually a lagoon, and not a river!) with seine nets and try to catch some of organisms we had studied.

There are two things I still remember about those trips:

1) We never caught anything, and
2) They always drilled into us that when wading in the lagoon, we were supposed to drag our feet to avoid being stung by stingrays.

So if stingrays are normally that dangerous, would schools really take sixth- and seventh-graders into an area where they are known to live?

One other thing: Three recorded deaths from stingrays. Ever. I'll bet more people are killed by dogs other than pit bulls in any given year.

It's the Most Wonderful Time....

2006-09-04T21:39:00.000-04:00

Two things I really enjoy:

1) Daylight savings time
2) College football

And now we are at the time of year where I can enjoy both simultaneously!

If you have any doubt as to what my team is, check the picture on the left. The Gators once again got off to a winning start. Already around the country we have had odd plays (a punt returner doing his best Leon Lett impression, and the fact that it was a Georgia player makes it that much better), a huge upset (Montana State beating Colorado, which even Dave may find interesting), and a game that will have a big impact on the BCS (FSU at Miami, which just reached halftime).

I love this.

Baby Snakes on a Plate?

2006-09-01T01:42:00.000-04:00

Good chance you know the basic design of Florida's standard license plate, shown at right. It's not unusual, however, for people to add their own touches to the plate, especially in the center where the orange is. Some folks will put in a logo of their college of choice, or occasionally initials.

But tonight, on my way home from work, I saw a really unusual plate. In the center, covering the orange, was a face. And not just any face, either. It was Frank Zappa!

To the best of my knowledge, there is no particular connection between Frank Zappa and Florida -- he wasn't born here, didn't live here, and didn't die here. I guess this was just a very devoted fan. I really wish I could have gotten a picture to share with you.

Just Me...No Ernesto

2006-08-31T03:16:00.000-04:00

Really not much to report. Everything is basically back to normal, just very wet outside. Went to work as usual (although I switched shifts with the general manager, since he had to come in the morning to check out the store anyway), people came and bought books, and we went home. The only thing at all out of the ordinary is that as of midnight, tolls were still suspended on the Turnpike.

But I do have several bottles and jugs of water for the next time. I didn't even have to go to the store for that -- I just filled up a couple of empty gallon jugs and some 2-liter bottles out of the tap.

Ernesto and Me

2006-08-29T19:51:00.000-04:00

As of 8:30 pm on Tuesday...not much to report. Lots of things are closed, store shelves are empty of water, bread and canned goods, and there were long lines at the gas station, but weather-wise, it's pretty quiet -- and not the eerie quiet that settled in before Andrew in 1992. At the moment it's windy and rainy, but not even to the point that I can hear it inside. We had worse rain last week!

I'll be going to work tomorrow, assuming it's safe on the road, but I don't know yet if we'll be open. My boss will be going in for the morning since he has to check for damage anyway, and I'll be in at 2:30, open or not, so at least I won't lose pay.

Oops, it just picked up so I can hear the rain, but nothing at all scary. Updates will follow....

What do you REALLY think of your co-workers?

2006-08-23T03:39:00.000-04:00

I stumbled upon in interesting site, http://www.ratemycoworkers.com/. The idea is to anonymously tell the world what you really think of the people you work with. It appears to be a new site, as there are a lot of major companies that either aren't listed, or who have no employees listed. So you could be the first at your business to sound off! Keep in mind, though, that listings may be made in spite, or they could be complaints from people who aren't really co-workers (customers, vendors, friends, relatives, etc.).

Oh, and my company isn't listed, nor are any of the places I have worked in the past few years, so I'm safe so far!

Which is More Significant?

2006-08-22T02:40:00.000-04:00

A) George Allen using a racial slur to address the only dark-skinned person at his campaign event, or

B) the fact that the only dark-skinned person at the event was there working for Allen's opponent, Jim Webb, or

C) the fact that in 2006 -- when any potentially embarrassing act or remark is sure to be all over Internet within 10 minutes, and old news by the time the network broadcasts go on the air -- the Webb campaign felt any need to send someone to record Allen's appearance in the first place?

Read for the Record

2006-08-22T02:12:00.000-04:00

This Thursday, schools, bookstores, and other groups everywhere will be taking part in http://www.readfortherecord.org/. This event is designed to help encourage children to read and promote literacy, while trying to set a world record for the most children reading a single book on a single day. (No, I don't know what the current record is.) The selected book is "The Little Engeine that Could."

Want to take part, or offer support? Check out the website, read with a child, or ask someone at your favorite bookstore or library what you can do to help. At our store, we will be having readings in the morning and evening, and we have been passing out flyers to customers inviting them to take part, either with us or at home.

Snakes in a Bookstore

2006-08-18T03:59:00.000-04:00

Well, my brother is now back to normal (for him, anyway) now that he has been to see "Snakes on a Plane." Check out his review.

The bookstore where I work is just two or three doors away from an 18-screen theater and we're open until 11 pm, so on the weekends we sometimes get a crowd in the cafe as people come from/go to the movies. I'm off on Friday, and I think I'm glad, because it could get pretty hectic with the expected rush of people for this movie. This happened with "Pirates of the Caribbean," and SoaP has an even bigger buzz.

We do have a feature table near the cafe of movie-related books, and even though the movie has just opened, there are already a few SoaP books in the store including the novelization and the guide book. However, I'm betting Dave is most likely to go for The Complete Quote Book, complete with lots of photos and snake facts.

It's Left-Handers Day!

2006-08-14T00:03:00.000-04:00

OK, maybe it is almost over, but August 13 is Left-Hander's Day, first observed in 1976. As you've guessed by now, I am left-handed in most things (I throw right-handed, for reasons I can't explain, and I played drums right-handed because that's the way I was taught, and also you can't fit in with a drum line or use someone else's drum set if you play lefty). What is somewhat unusual is that both of my parents are left-handed.

While we may be an oppressed minority, there's one place lefties haven't been a minority for some time: The White House. There hasn't been a right-handed president since Carter, and with the possible exception of Dick Cheney (not sure about him), all vice-presidents during that time have also been sinistrial.

For my left handed readers, you may want to check out Anything Left-Handed. Even if you don't want to pay shipping from the UK, the site has lots of information about all things Left-Handed.

Find a Way to Say it

2006-08-08T17:14:00.000-04:00

You may be familiar with the Church Sign Generator. Or maybe not. Turns out the guy who created it has a whole bunch of generators and "Says-Its," available here: http://www.says-it.com/. Make your own vinyl records (or if you're too young to remember vinyl records, find out what I'm talking about). Create your own concert tickets -- but don't try to sell forgeries, please. Put words in the mouth of Hillary Clinton, GWB, Chuck Norris, Pope Benedict, and others. Or put your own graffiti on the moon.